Mortal Kombat 4: Mayhem!
by Ant423
Summary: Before joining the Deadly Alliance, Quan Chi worked with Shinnok and a host of other crazy characters to take over the realms. The wackiest Mortal Kombat prequel ever is finally here!
1. Prologue

**Author's Note:** I don't own Mortal Kombat or any of its characters...Though I wish I did, because then I would be more popular...

**Prologue:**

A long, long time ago, in a realm far, far away...

A bunch of cool shit happened, like the Deadly Alliance and Onaga's reign of terror. But before that, some even cooler shit happened. It all began at the dawn of time...

The war between the fallen Elder God, Shinnok, and the Thunder God, Raiden had come to an end, resulting (somehow) in the destruction of an entire civilization, and the imprisonment of Shinnok in the Netherrealm. For the next bazillion years or so, Shinnok rotted away in Hell, forced to scrub toilet seats, shoe-shine Lucifer's hooves, or work part-time as a singing waiter at a Netherrealm jazz café.

As fate would have it, a travelling demon-sorcerer named Quan Chi visited the Netherrealm one day, in search of cheap hookers. Upon meeting Shinnok, the two made a deal and Quan Chi promised to help Shinnok overthrow the pompous fatass who was running the Netherrealm and one day return to earth. There was only one item that would allow him to achieve all that.

Meanwhile, back above ground, the heroes had successfully defeated Shao Kahn and prevented his merger of Outworld and Earthrealm. Just as it seemed everything was peaceful once more, a new battle was just beginning-A battle that was more chaotic, more twisted, and more unbelievably raunchy than both the battles against the Deadly Alliance and the Dragon King...

**MORTAL KOMBAT EPISODE 4: A NOT-SO-NEW HOPE**

In the fifth plane of the Netherrealm, Satan von Lucifer, the realm's almighty lord and ruler, was sitting in his office filing paperwork with his assistant, Marco, at his side.

"Here," said Lucifer, handing Marco a folder, which he placed into a filing cabinet, "You know, Marco, I've been thinking..."

"About what, sir?" asked Marco in a small, squeaky voice.

"About promoting Jeff," replied Lucifer,"You know, from the fifth floor."

"Jeff?" asked Marco, "You mean the guy who leaves flaming doggy bags on on doorsteps? Or sends faxes of his ass to everyone in the office? No offense, sir, but he's a complete goofball."

"True," said Lucifer, "But he's a damn good worker...And everytime he looks at me with those puppy-dog eyes, it just makes me feel all warm inside."

"Yeah, but..." began Marco.

"But nothing," interrupted Lucifer, "We're all hard workers and every once and a while we deserve a nice reward for our efforts. For example, check this out." Lucifer held up a large cheque. "See this? This is from that _Red Bull _commercial I did! HA!"

"Sir, when are you ever gonna cash that?"

"Soon," promised Lucifer, "For now, I just like looking at it!"

Just then, the office door burst open, and Shinnok and Quan Chi appeared at the entrance.

"Well, well, well," began the Devil, "If it isn't Fallen Elder God, Shinnok, and his new buddy, _Uncle Fester_!"

"Dammnit!" snapped Chi, "Who the fuck is Uncle Fester and why does everybody keep calling me that?"

"Listen," said Lucifer, "I've told you a thousand times! If you wanna talk to me, you must make an appointment first!"

"I'm not here to talk to you," said Shinnok coldly, "I am here to overthrow you!"

Lucifer and Marco instantly fell to the floor and laughed uncontrollably.

"Is this guy fuckin' serious?" asked Lucifer, trying to regain composure, "Overthrow me? HA! HA! HA!"

Shinnok merely crossed his arms and patiently waited for the two to finish their laughing fit.

"Alright," said Lucifer, wiping a tear from his eye, "What is it you wanted to talk to me about?"

"I said," began Shinnok, "I wanted to overthrow you!"

"Oh," said Lucifer, "You're serious?"

Shinnok and Quan Chi nodded.

"And how do you plan on doing that?" asked Lucifer, "You know that your powers are useless in Hell! I'll easily destroy you!"

"Actually," said Marco, "You can't die in the Netherrealm. The worst that can happen is that your head will comically blow up and then regrow and then you'll get tossed in a dungeon for a few centuries until you learn your lesson. Trust me, I've been there..."

"Sweet!" said Quan Chi, "It sounds like that guy from _Men In Black_...What's his name again?"

"Jimmy?" said Shinnok.

"No! No!" said Lucifer, "It's Jeff!"

"Idiots!" snapped Marco, "It's Jeebs!"

The room was suddenly filled with a chorus of "Oooooohhhhh's."

"HEY!" snapped Shinnok, "Enough of this bullshit! I came to defeat you and I'm gonna accomplish this mission!"

"And how will you do that?"

"With this!" said Shinnok, holding his amulet, "My buddy here can travel through realms and I asked him to pick this up for me!"

Lucifer gasped. "They separated you from that thing!"

"Well," said Shinnok, "Now it's back!"

Lucifer charged up a large fireball and shot it at Shinnok and Quan Chi, who merely deflected it.

"EEP!" screamed the Devil, "Help me, Marco!"

"Um," began Marco, "You're on your own, sir!"

Marco then jumped out of a nearby window.

Shinnok then fired a large white beam at Lucifer, who began to shrink. Shinnok picked up the now-tiny devil and held him in his palm.

"Please!" begged Lucifer in a small, squeaky voice, "Don't kill me!"

"Then you'll let me have your throne?"

"Yes! Yes! You can have it!"

"Good..."

Shinnok then flicked the miniature Satan out the window before approaching his desk and sitting in the chair.

"Aaaaaahh..." said Shinnok, lifting his legs onto the desk, "This is gonna be sweet."

"Tell me about it, sir!" said Quan Chi, "In no time, we'll be able to return to the Heavens to finish what you started."

"Yes," said Shinnok, "Now, as my first order of business: Announce to the people of Netherrealm that there will be some major changes!"

"Yessir!"

"Oh, and tell Jeff from fifth floor that he's fired..."


	2. Chapter 1

**Mortal Kombat 4: Mayhem!**

**Chapter 1:**

"What?" demanded Jarek, as he stood at the main desk of the town airport, "Since when did airplane ticket prices rise by over $10?"

"Since the collapse of the American economy," replied the lifeless, sarcastic woman behind the counter, "Now, sir, please calm down and pay your fee if you want to get on the next flight."

"Goddamnit," muttered Jarek, digging into his pocket, "Fucking ticket prices...I can't believe I forgot my Airmiles reward miles at home...Um, is it okay if I pay you in nickels?"

Jarek was a long-time member of the Black Dragon Organization. Originally assigned to wipe his fellow members' asses when they went to the washroom, Jarek moved up the ranks and became Kano's top apprentice. Too bad only a few days later, there was a major Black Dragon bust and many members were sent to prison. Forunately, Kano and Jarek and their collection of circus freaks, including Tasia, No-Face, and Tremor, managed to bust out, but they were all eventually sent back. Kano did eventually escape again, and Jarek promised he would one day escape as well and join him, but since Kano was killed by Sonya, Jarek was now on his own and had to find a way to flee the city...

"Sir," said the woman, "I don't have all day...I'm a very busy woman. Please pay the fare or leave."

"Yeah, yeah," said Jarek, "Hold your horses..."

Just then, in the distance, Jarek saw Jax, Sonya and a couple of other Special Forces agents patrolling the airport.

"Hey!" said Jarek, "I know that guy!"

"Sure you do," said the woman, who began to file her nails.

"If they see me, I'm fucked!"

"Well then, you're in luck, because today, we are having a sale on hilarious disguises."

"Why would you be selling hilarious disguises at an airport?"

"Some kind of promotional shit...Listen do you want one or not?"

"Alright..."

The woman then pulled out a bunch of disguises.

"On sale today only, we have this lovely felt _Sherlock Holmes _cap!"

"I'm allergic to felt."

"How about this fake moustache?"

"Is it just me or is this moustache made from a broken comb?"

"Or, you can check out this large rubber nose with glasses."

Jarek put them on.

"I don't know," said Jarek, "Do you think they make my face look fat?"

"No," replied the woman, "In fact, I think they make your face look beautiful."

"Yeah, but it kinda itches, and if I have to wear this for a long time..."

"HEY YOU!" shouted one of the special forces agents.

"On second thought," began Jarek, "See ya!" He then ran, taking his one piece of luggage with him.

"But you didn't get a chance to look at my fruit basket hat!" called out the woman.

"Did you say fruit basket hat?" asked the Special Forces Agent, who stopped as he ran past the desk.

"Yeah," said the woman, smiling, as she pulled out the hat.

Jarek ran frantically around the airport looking for a place to hide. Unable to board a plane, the Black Dragon ran outside and bolted across the tarmac as Jax and Sonya ran outside after him. Desparate to hide, Jarek jumped inside a passing luggage car. In mere moments, Jarek was being loaded onto a passenger plane along with loads of suitcases and baggages. Unable to find Jarek, Sonya and Jax headed back inside.

"Freedom," whispered Jarek, "Here I come..."

It was only after he discovered that he had boarded _Air Edenia_.

* * *

"Welcome back to 99.4 EG Rock, _The Music of the Gods!_" boomed Bob, the radio host, "What you just heard was _Fuck Me With a Rubber Hose_ by Fat-Boy Bill. We are still currently speaking with Kintaro who, before the break, was talking about just what he's been up to since MKII."

"Well, Bob," said the Shokan, "I've recently created a webpage from which I sell home-made bracelets. I have all kinds: Beads, chains, strings, and I even made bracelets from old rubber bands. My asking price is usually around 50-75 koins..."

"Wait," said Bob, "Bracelets?"

"Yeah," said Kintaro, "Making bracelets was a small passion of mine since I was a kid. And with Shao Kahn losing power, I have plenty more free time to make bracelets and I figured 'why not sell them?'"

"Um," said Bob, "You mean to tell me that in the last five years or so, you went from being the toughest boss in _Mortal Kombat _to some guy with a fruity hobby?"

"You have a problem with that?" asked the Shokan with a very threatening voice.

"Um...Uh..." began Bob, "No, not at at all!...Actually I...I...w-w-would l-l-love to s-see some of those b-b-bracelets."

"Well, it's your lucky day, because I brought some!"

Bob sighed as Kintaro began showing off some bracelets.

"Ha!" laughed Shinnok, who was sitting in his office, filing paperwork while the radio played next to him, "That Bob and his antics! They always make my day!"

Just then, Quan Chi entered the office.

"Ah," said Shinnok, "Enter, Quan Chi. I got a lot to tell you about our new plan of attack."

"Oh, really?" said Chi, who approached the desk and reached for the papers Shinnok was filing.

"No!" said Shinnok, "Not those. There's just nonsense written on those papers. I was just filing them so it looks like I have something to do."

"Fair enough," said Chi.

"The real plans are all in my head. Come outside and I'll explain them to you..."

Quan Chi and Shinnok walked outside the office and down a long hallway. Through the window, much of the Netherrealm could be seen.

"So," began Chi, "How are things going in this realm?"

"Terrible," said Shinnok.

"What do you mean?" asked Chi.

"In the last few years, gang violence has gone up 150, poverty: 180 and the inflation rate is through the roof. Hell is going straight to, well, Hell!"

"Don't blame yourself, sir," said Chi, "It's tough being ruler of a realm. But I still think you're doing a fine job!"

"Yes, but these people need me! I'm their ruler!"

"What about Lucifer? No offense, but when he was in charge, things were going perfectly. Why don't you, um, do whatever it was he did?"

"Nah," said Shinnok, "He had strict and firm rule over this realm. Too strict, in fact. It was all about punishing and torturing people...Everyone was miserable. I should know, I spent the last gagillion years serving him."

"But," said Chi, "Isn't Hell a place you go to to get punished?"

"Yes, but you see, I've developped a soft spot for these people. Maybe that's why all those millenia ago, the war between me and the gods began...My place isn't in the heavens, it's down here, in the Netherrealm!"

"Right...I think all this molten rock and sulfur has gotten to your brain!"

Shinnok and Quan Chi eventually arrived in the main room of the building where a tall, black figure stood.

"Who's that?" demanded Shinnok.

"Sir," replied Quan Chi, "I believe that's Noob Saibot, a member of your Brotherhood of the Shadow."

"Ah yes," said Shinnok, "Noob, the homosexual!"

"Actually," said Chi, "I don't think he ever came out..."

"Whatever, let's go see what he wants."

The two approached Noob.

"Shinnok," said Noob, "I have been looking for you? How are you?"

"Good good," said Shinnok, "I'm feeling pretty gay today..."

"What?"

"I mean...um, I'm feeling 'happy'!"

"Yes, of course...Listen, while on guard duty, a young, boxom female approached me and asked if she can join the Brotherhood and I told her she can speak to you."

"Alright," said Shinnok, "We don't have many women in the Brotherhood, so I guess a little diversity wouldn't hurt."

Noob then made a motion with his hand, and a tall, thin woman wearing a pink unitard and a veil over her mouth entered. She had long black hair tied up in a little bun and the most beautiful eyes Shinnok had ever seen. As she entered the building, a funky saxophone theme could be heard playing in the background people walking around the room sent catcalls and whistles at the girl.

"Hi," she said, approaching Shinnok, "My name is Mileena."

"Hello," said Shinnok and Chi as they took turns shaking her hand.

"I am so excited to join your Brotherhood!"

"I'm sorry, Mileena," said Shinnok, "But I can't hear OVER THIS DAMN SAXOPHONE!"

"Sorry," said Noob, putting away his sax, "I guess I picked a bad time to practice, huh?"

"Anyways," continued Shinnok, "We are all very happy to have you on our team! If you follow my assisstant, Quan Chi he will take you to do your entrance exam."

"Sweet!" said Mileena, "I can't wait to take over the universe! I can finally show that whore clone of mine Kitana just who the better of the two is! HA HA HA!"

"But first," said Chi, "We must do a body search. It's not much...It's just to check that you don't have any weapons or if you're wired."

"I see..."

"You can start by taking off your mask and showing us your full face."

"Okay, if you say so..."

Mileena slowly pulled the veil off her face. Shinnok and Quan Chi's faces lit up with horror as they saw Mileena's seemingly perfect. beautiful face housed a mouth of sharp, jagged teeth (And absoloutely horrendous breath).

"THE FUCK IS THAT?" shouted Quan Chi.

"OH GOD! IT"S HIDEOUS!" yelled Shinnok.

Just then, there was a loud, out-of-tune blast of saxophone in the background.

"Sorry," said Noob, putting away his sax once more.

"I know," said Mileena, putting her veil back on, "I have awful teeth. My creator, Shang Tsung ran out of human parts to make me, so he grabbed a Tarkatan jaw and used that. I'M SO UGLY! WAAAAAAAHHHH!"

Shinnok and Quan Chi stared at each other in horror. They blew it!

"Um," began Chi, "Um, um, uh...What are you talking about? You have a beautiful face. I didn't see anything wrong with your teeth...It's just that there was...there was...um..."

"There was a large bug on your face," added Shinnok, "There was this huge, atrocious insect buzzing around your hair and I was gonna swat it, but it flew away!"

"A bug?" said Mileena, "Ewwww!"

"Now," said Chi, "Please come with me. And there is no need to take off your veil anymore, so don't worry..."

Quan Chi and Mileena then left.

"You know what?" said Noob Saibot as he approached Shinnok, "I don't care about her mouth, I'd still do her."

"I don't know," said Shinnok, "I don't think she's _masculine _enough for your tastes."

"What?"

"Nothing! I said nothing!"

"You think I'm gay don't you? Is that right?"

Shinnok shook his head.

"It's because of that party last year, isn't it? Well, I'll have you know I wasn't doing anything in that closet with Rodd! We were just looking for a mop to clean up that puddle of puke Sareena left, alright?"

"Sure you were," said Shinnok, "Now get back to work!"

"But I'm on break!"

"Then go do whatever it is you do on break!"

Shinnok began to walk away.

"Oh, by the way," he said, "I'm having an assembly tomorrow, so send a memo to everyone!"


	3. Chapter 2

Mortal Kombat 4: Mayhem!

**Chapter 2:**

"Gentleman," said the surgeon, "We can rebuild him. We have the technology. We can make him better than he was before...Or just as good, perhaps."

A swarm of nurses and doctors rushed into the large operating room as a bloody, severely injured Tarkata lay down on a stretcher. Shao Kahn stood in the hallway and watched the operation from a small window.

"Wrench," said the head surgeon, and the nurse handed one to him, "Hammer...Staple gun...Spork..."

"Spork?" asked the nurse, "What for?"

"Don't question my authority, damnit!" snapped the surgeon, "Now hand me that god-damned spork and let me work my magic!"

The nurse did as she was told. The doctors spent hours operating on the near-dead Tarkata. When the operation was done, Shao Kahn was called in.

"Well," said the surgeon, wiping his sweaty face with a towel, "He's all done. It was extremely difficult but it went pretty well."

"Excellent," said Kahn, "Now, I want all the doctors to clear out of the room!"

The doctors all left the room and Shao Kahn went to sit by the Tarkata's side.

"Baraka," whispered Kahn, "Baraka, wake up!"

The Tarkata slowly opened his eyes.

"Where am I?" said Baraka, "W-where's Kung Lao?"

"He's gone," said Kahn, "The battle's over. We lost..."

"So Earthrealm and Outworld aren't merged anymore?"

Shao Kahn shook his head.

"How come I'm in the hospital?" asked Baraka.

"While you were fighting the Shaolin Monk, he took off his hat and kinda sliced you down the middle..."

"But how am I still alive?"

"I was able to get you to a hospital on time for emergency surgery, but there is a minor problem."

"Problem?" said Baraka, "What the fuck happened to me? And why do I feel weird?"

Shao Kahn handed Baraka a small mirror. The Tarkatan stared at himself for a while. He could not believe what he saw. Large metal staples ran down the entire front of his body, including where his you-know-what is.

"I'M A MONSTER!" shouted Baraka.

"Well," said Kahn, "Technically you were always a monster."

"I'm a freak! I'm hideous!"

"SHHHH! This a fucking hospital, now calm down!"

"Calm down? I have metal staples running down my body! I look like a fucking office folder!"

"Listen..."

But Baraka began to thrash about in his bed, eventually breaking free of Shao Kahn's grasp. He then bolted out of the door.

"Um," said Kahn, "That's the closet..."

"Thanks," said Baraka, before resuming his rampage and running out the appropriate door.

Baraka ran down the long hallway killing any doctor, nurse, or patient that came in his path. Eventually, he found himself outside...

Baraka, who had been sleeping under a tree for a few hours, suddenly awoke. He felt his face. There were those dreaded staples...

"Damn," said Baraka, "Stupid nightmare..."

Baraka looked around. It must have been more than a year since he ran away from the hospital. Not wanting to serve Shao Kahn anymore, Baraka had traveled all the way to Edenia in search of something new.

As Baraka tried to fall asleep again, he was hit in the face by a frisbee.

"FUCK!" snapped Baraka.

"Sorry mister," said a small boy coming to pick up the frisbee, "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

The kid ran away. Baraka picked up the frisbee and lowered his head in shame.

"Hey kid," said Baraka, "You forgot this!"

Baraka threw the frisbee to the kid. Unfortunately, he threw too hard and the disk chopped the screaming boy's head off.

"Uh-oh," said Baraka, who then stood up and ran out of the park before someone could catch him.

Needing a new place to hang out, Baraka decided to head for an inn.

"Oh, Mileena, my love," said Baraka, "If only you were still alive, you and I would have become King and Queen of Outworld and everything would be nice. I swear, when I find those responsible for murdering you, I will destroy them so bad, that not even their own mothers will be able to recognize their corpses once I'm done with them!"

Baraka then laughed an insane laugh before breaking down and crying...

* * *

Back in the Netherrealm, an enormous crowd had gathered in the centre square and began whispering to each other about what was going on and discussed the meeting that was to take place. Just then, their master, Shinnok appeared and stepped onto the podium and everyone grew silent. Shinnok tapped the mic a few times, and began to speak.

"Ladies and Gentlemen," boomed Shinnok, "And whatever else lives in this realm, I am pleased to announce that my plans to conquer the realms is nearly complete. Using my precious amulet, I shall create a portal that we will use to travel above ground. From there, we will head to the one and only realm with direct access to the heavens: Edenia!"

A chorus of whispers could be heard in the audience.

"I will need my army to subdue the realm, while I travel to the skies and take out every god that gets in my way. With them gone, I will be the sole, supreme ruler of the universe!"

"Hey!" snapped a random Oni in the crowd. He had a large club on his left hand and wore a green mask, "What about the Netherrealm? This place is completely falling apart! How do you expect to control an entire universe?"

"Well, my friends," said Shinnok, "Because you are my people, you will gain full superiority over the other races. I will transform the rest of the universe into a new Hell, where we can all be happy!"

The crowd then cheered loudly.

"Cool," said Quan Chi, who was standing next to Shinnok, "Just as long as you don't the whole fire and rivers of lava thing...It's really starting to get cliché!"

Ignoring Quan Chi, Shinnok continued to speak:

"Now, in order for this mission to be successful, I'll need the full cooperation of my Brotherhood. Furthermore, I will accept volunteers from across the fifth plane!"

People all around began to raise their hands and volunteer. One by one, they ran up to the stage to sign up.

"We will have a meeting later on to discuss the plan in further detail," said Shinnok to Quan Chi, "But for now, we need to find a way to get in Edenia!"

"It would be a lot easier if we had some kind of connection," suggested Chi.

"Hmmmm," Shinnok thought for a moment, "What about their ambassador? He's got the power to allow large groups of people into the realm."

"He would never let us in," replied Chi.

"No, but his daughter, Tanya, might...I need you to go above and talk to her, understand?"

Quan Chi nodded and Shinnok handed the amulet over to the sorcerer. With that, Quan Chi ran off to travel out of the realm.

"Oh," said a big blue Oni, Moloch, as he jumped up and down, "I wanna go! I wanna sign up for this war! Please Drahmin..."

"NO!" snapped Drahmin, "I don't trust Shinnok and I don't think his plan is safe."

"But," said Moloch, "This is our chance to escape this god-forsaken place!"

"Don't worry about that, our time will come soon. For now, we must lay low."

Moloch then hunched over.

"It's a figure of speech," sighed Drahmin.

Just then, Noob Saibot approached them.

"Hey, you two," he said, "You're holding up the line! Are you registering or not?"

"Actually," began Moloch, "Drahmin here said he doesn't trust Shinnok and that he thinks that this war is..."

Drahmin suddenly sprung towards Moloch and covered his mouth.

"Um," said Drahmin, "I was just saying how I was gonna take my partner here for some ice cream!"

"ICE CREAM?" shouted Moloch, "Oh boy! I love you Drahmin!"

"Hey, Noob!" said Shinnok, walking by, "Hanging out with your new friends?"

Noob then turned around and saw Drahmin and Moloch making out.

"Oh God!" he said, "Yes...I mean NO! They're not my friends! I don't know them! I don't hang out with them! I was just...leaving! Bye!"

Noob then ran off.

"That poor confused son of a bitch," said Shinnok, shaking his head.

Shinnok walked off. Drahmin and Moloch made out all the way to the ice cream store.


	4. Chapter 3

**Mortal Kombat 4: Mayhem!**

**Chapter 3:**

Tanya stood in the middle of a large Edenian field performing a kata. Tanya was 10 000 years young and a life-long resident of the peaceful realm of Edenia. Her father was the ambassador and therefore Tanya lead a rich and pampered life. Still, Tanya was getting bored with the lame and peaceful ways of her home realm and prayed everyday for something new and exciting to happen.

"AAAAHHH!" screamed Tanya, "Oh my God! It's Uncle Fester!"

"Jesus Christ!" snapped Chi, who had just teleported behind her, "Enough with the Uncle Fester already! MY NAME IS QUAN FUCKING CHI!"

"Geez," began Tanya, "Calm down, Quan Fucking Chi. Now, what do you want?"

"Are you Tanya, the ambassador's daughter?"

"Yes..."

"Excellent. Now, listen up! My 'friends' and I have an important mission to accomplish, and it will require us to travel through this realm."

"What kind of mission?"

"You wouldn't understand...We're going to heaven, killing a bunch of gods, conquering the universe, nothing much."

"Sweet!"

"Wait...What?"

"You know how boring this realm is? Everyday it's 'peace this' and 'justice that' and 'let's keep this realm beautiful' and I'm sick! I need something new, and I like the sound of your 'friends'."

"Great!" said Chi, "So you'll help us get into Edenia? In exchange, we will guarantee you a spot in our organization and shelter when the universe is ours."

"Great! Just don't hurt my friends...Please!"

Quan Chi just stared at her.

"Nah! I'm kidding! You could hurt whoever you want!"

The two then shared a laugh.

"Just stay here for now," said Chi, "And when we come, you'll know what to do."

"Okay then, Quan Fucking Chi," replied Tanya.

"Please," said Chi, "Just call me Quan Chi."

* * *

Jarek, having stepped onto a flight to Edenia, made his way around the alien realm trying to figure out where everything was.

"Geez," said Jarek passing through a large forest, "I still can't believe I'm in another world. It's like a bad acid trip...Only, it's real! Oh, God! What if I never get home? Wait...That's good! As long as I'm here, I'm safe from the special forces! Now, if I can find out where the strip club is..."

While looking at the scenery, Jarek did not see Baraka in his path and bumped right into him.

"Hey," snapped Baraka.

"Sorry," said Jarek.

Baraka turned around and Jarek stared in shock at Baraka's monstrous face.

"You better watch where you're going, bub!" said Baraka, pulling out one of his elbow blades.

"EEP!" said Jarek, "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to harm you mister! Please I was just passing through! I don't know where I am! I just came from Earthrealm and...and..."

"A stranger, eh?" said Baraka, "Great! I'm sure you wouldn't mind if I took some of your stuff!"

Baraka brought his blade close to Jarek's neck. Jarek immediately began emptying his pockets.

"Hurry up," continued Baraka.

"Say," began Jarek, "Where'd you get the staples?"

"These?" said Baraka, "I know, I'm a freak! I'm a hideously scarred freak!"

"Actually, I think they're cool," said Jarek, "Did you like, get injured during a battle or something?"

"During the invasion of Earthrealm," replied Baraka, "It was chaotic! Some bozo sliced me in half...It's no big deal. My girlfriend, on the other hand, was killed in battle and I didn't even get to see her in her last moments. God, I miss her so much!"

"Invasion of Earthrealm? Hey! My associate, Kano was involved in that!"

"EEP! You're friends with my old ally? Awkward..."

"So, I guess you won't be stealing from me anymore?"

"What are you talking about? Of course I'm still taking your stuff! Now, empty those pockets!"

If there was one thing Jarek was good at, it was deceiving others into helping him get what he wanted...It was time to work his magic.

"You know, I got a chance to speak to Kano before he died," lied Jarek, "He told me that your girlfriend was still alive."

"Mileena?" asked Baraka, "Kano said she's still alive?"

"Yeah, he said he found her body and nursed her back to health!"

Baraka was in shock. Could it be, after all these years, his beloved Mileena was still alive somewhere?

"Where is she?" demanded Baraka.

"You see," replied Jarek, "She's right here in this realm! Yes, that's the reason why I came here in the first place. Unfortunately I'm a little lost, so I was wondering if you knew where the nearest town was."

"You mean the capital city?" asked Baraka, "Sure! It's about 5 kilometers west of here! I'll lead you."

"Great," said Jarek, "Um, can I have my stuff back?"

"Yeah, yeah," replied the Tarkata, "But listen, if you're lying to me, or if you try anything funny..."

Baraka pointed his elbow blade at Jarek's face.

"Don't worry," said Jarek, "You can trust me!"

"Don't worry, Mileena, I'm coming for you!"

* * *

Back in the Netherrealm, Mileena sat in a small room, staring at a picture of Baraka.

"Oh," said Mileena, "My precious little Tarkie, you must be so lost without me...That is, if you're even still alive!"

"Knock, knock," said Noob, as he approached the door.

"The fuck do you want, _Blackie?_" asked Mileena.

"Don't mean to interrupt," said Noob, "I just wanted to know if you were hungry...I made my specialty, rotting corpse a la creme!"

"I'm not hungry," said Mileena, "And besides, I prefer to eat more civilized food!"

"Aw, come on," said Noob, "Try it! You might like it!"

"Buzz off!" said Mileena.

"Why are you so glum?" asked Noob.

"It's just that I miss my boyfriend. Ever since Princess Kitana murdered me, I've been stuck down here on my own, and I'd do anything just to see his face again!"

"Listen," said Noob, sitting by her side, "There's plenty of fish in the sea...Or should I say, there's plenty of demons in the Netherrealm! Ho! Ho! Seriously, though, there's gonna come a time when you will get over Marraca, and you'll need to start finding other lovers..."

"First of all, numbnuts," began Mileena, "It's _Baraka_, and if I'm not mistaken, I'd say you were flirting with me!"

"Flirting? Hell no! I mean, yes! That's right, I'm totally flirting with you! I love you!"

"Idiot, you're not fooling anyone. We all know the truth!"

"For the last time, I'm not gay! Just because I was a little curious in the past, it doesn't mean I'm a homosexual now!"

"Whatever, just go back to making your creamed corpse and leave me alone to grieve!"

"It's rotting corpse a la creme!"

"Get out!" snapped Mileena, whipping a shoe at Noob's head. The wrath immediately ran out of the room.

"You know," he said before leaving, "Whenever I'm sad, I write poetry!"

"Poetry?" thought Mileena, "Hmmmm..."

Mileena then pulled out a pen and paper and began to jot down some ideas.

"I guess that's the origin of that!" said Mileena, "Man, these are gonna be so beautiful!"


	5. Chapter 4

**Mortal Kombat 4: Mayhem!**

**Chapter 4:**

Quan Chi began his journey from Edenia back to the Netherrealm once he was finished speaking with Tanya. He left the large valley and made his way back to where he initially opened his portal.

"That roast I put in the oven should be done by now," muttered Quan Chi.

Just as Chi pulled out his amulet and began to say the magic spell, he was suddenly kicked down from behind.

"Hey!" shouted Chi, "What's the big idea?"

As Chi looked up, he saw a tall figure in a blue ninja costume.

"I am Sub-Zero," replied the man, "Actually, I'm just his little brother pretending to be him. I have been looking for you for a long time now. Many years ago, you sent my brother on a quest."

"Ah," said Quan Chi, standing up, "I remember that whole incident. Your brother was an excellent warrior. I must say, though, his B.O. was pretty strong..."

"Listen," said Sub-Zero, grabbing the sorcerer by the collar, "That 'incident' of yours indirectly lead to his death at the hands of Scorpion! Scorpion and I have patched things up, but now it's time for you to pay!"

"Well," said Quan Chi, "If it is indirectly because of me, then I can't take all the credit, so, um, I best be going."

"I don't think so," said Sub-Zero, who was powering up an ice blast.

"HELP! HELP!" screamed Chi.

Just then, there was a loud explosion followed by a large rumble. Sub-Zero fell and dropped Quan Chi. Standing a few feet away from them was a tall, red cyborg with missiles sticking out of its chest.

"Beep!" said the cyborg, "Sub-Zero of the Lin Kuei Clan?"

"_Formerly _of the Lin Kuei clan!" said Subby.

"Sektor's primary mission is to annihilate the traitor of the clan!"

"Aw, come on!" snapped Subby, "Geez! That was like 2 years ago! Get over it, man!"

"Sektor is not a man" said Sektor, "Now, prepare to die!"

Sektor fired another rocket, which Sub-Zero narrowly avoided.

"I'll get you next time, freak!" said Sub-Zero, "Sektor won't always be around to protect you!"

Sub-Zero then ran away.

"Wow," said Quan Chi, "I'm impressed."

"Sektor is an LK-9T9 unit whose sole purpose is to function as a killing machine...There is nothing to be impressed about."

"Listen," said Chi, "I heard what Sub-Zero said, and knowing he'll be back to attack me again, I was thinking..."

"Sektor will act as your personal bodyguard if you wish, Mr..."

"Chi, Quan Chi."

"It is a pleasure working for you, Chi. Quan Chi."

"No, no! My name is just Quan Chi."

"It is a pleasure working for you, Just Quan Chi."

"No! Quan Chi...Period!"

"Quan Chi Period?"

"Just call me Chi."

"When Sub-Zero arrives, Sektor promises he will destroy the former Lin Kuei and achieve his goal!"

"Yeah, yeah, just focus on protecting me, ya dumb hunk of metal!"

* * *

"Another round!" said Baraka to the bartender.

Baraka and Jarek had arrived in the Capitol city of Edenia and stopped by a bar. Jarek had been pretending this whole time that he knew where Mileena was in order to get around, but now that he was in the Capitol City, he realized he did not have a way out of his lie.

"Now," began Baraka, "Where was I? Oh yes! There were like ten guys coming at me, and they all had spears, but I wasn't scared. I was like, 'Oh boy! This is gonna be easy!' And then I jumped up in the air and pulled out my elbow blades and fucking sliced all their heads off before they even knew what hit them! All of a sudden, this big fat fuck came charging at me and I totally sliced his dick off! You should have heard him scream! And then, as he was dying, I was like, 'That's what you get for messing with Shao Kahn, _Dickie Roberts_!"

Jarek simply stared at Baraka and took a sip from his cocktail.

"These were some good drinks," said Baraka, taking a final sip from his drink and slamming it onto the counter, "Now, we better get going!"

"Wait!" said Jarek, "Don't you have any more entertaining stories to tell me? What about the time you claimed to have taken on twenty guys with your arms all tied up?"

"I didn't 'claim' to have done it, I did do it!" snapped Baraka, "But I'll tell you later. Right now, I really wanna see my precious Mileena! Let's go!"

"Um," began Jarek, "Um, uh...Wait! I...I have to go to the um, bathroom! I'll be right back!"

"Hurry up!" ordered Baraka.

In the bathroom, Jarek stood in front of a sink, staring at himself in the mirror.

"Okay, Jarry," said Jarek, splashing his face with some water, "Take it easy, there. You can do this! Once I'm out, I run, get to the nearest airport, and get the fuck outta this realm. Then, I will be safe."

As soon as the last person left the bathroom, Jarek ran to the window and began to climb it.

"Sweet freedom!" shouted Jarek, "Ow! I think I'm stuck!"

"WHAT THE FUCK?" screamed Baraka, who suddenly entered the bathroom.

"Eep!" said Jarek, who had half of his body sticking out the window, "I can explain!"

"You better damn well explain!" ordered Baraka.

"I wasn't feeling well and I needed some fresh air," lied Jarek.

"My ass!" said Baraka, "You're running away! You don't even know where Mileena is!"

"Of course I do," said Jarek, "She lives on...um, Where does she live again?"

"BASTARD!"

Baraka ran up to Jarek's ass and prepared to slash it with his elbow blade. Jarek pushed as hard as he could and eventually squeezed through the window and fell to the floor outside the bar.

"You're gonna die!" said Baraka, who also jumped out the window.

Jarek ran down the streets of the large Edenian city as Baraka followed closely behind.

"Get back here, you fucking deceiving asshole!" said Baraka, "I was an idiot to trust you!"

"I'm sorry," said Jarek, If you let me live, I'll take you to Earthrealm with me and you can meet some other chicks!"

Jarek ran through a large alley and pushed his way past several tough-looking gang members and climbed a fence. Baraka entered the same alley, but the gang members stepped in his path.

"What do you think yer doin' here mister?" said one of them.

"Chasing the prick that just went by," replied Baraka, "Now let me through!"

"Ya better get outta here before we turn ya into mincemeat!" said another thug, pulling out a knife.

"Sir," said Baraka, "You made the biggest mistake of your life!"

Baraka then pulled out his elbow blade and slashed the man's head off. The other thugs then grabbed an assortment of weapons from around the alley like brooms and rakes and charged after the Tarkata.

"Bring it on, biatches!" said Baraka.

One thug swung his knife towards Baraka, who dodged it by stepping back. He swung it again, and this time, the Tarkatan grabbed his hand. As another thug came from the side, Baraka gripped the man's hand and forced the knife into the oncoming thug's face. Baraka then slammed his fist into the thug's arm, snapping it like a twig, and causing him to drop the knife.

Another two thugs came at Baraka with a rake and a broom, respectively. Baraka leapt into the air and balanced himself on the man's broom. The other man tried to knock Baraka down by swinging his rake, but Baraka jumped off and the rake hit the other man in the face, scratching his eyes out.

As Baraka landed, he stabbed the two thugs to death. The man whose arm he snapped immediately ran out of the alley. Baraka picked up his fallen knife and whipped it straight into his back, killing him.

"Idiots," muttered Baraka.

As soon as Baraka left the alley, he found himself held at gunpoint by two Edenian policemen.

"Freeze!" shouted one of the cops, "Hands in the air!"

"Oh, shit..." said Baraka.


	6. Chapter 5

**Mortal Kombat 4: Mayhem!**

**Chapter 5:**

"Welcome back!" announced Shinnok, "Took longer than expected! Who's that?"

"I ran into some trouble," said Chi, "By the way, his name is Sektor, he's my new bodyguard!"

"Oh, how lovely," said Shinnok, "You found a new boyfriend for Noob!"

"Damnit!" snapped Noob, "I'm not gay!"

"Whatever..."

"Sektor is pleased to meet all of you," said Sektor, "Sektor will aid you in your quest to dominate the world!"

"Why does he speak in third person?" asked Mileena.

"His programming's all messed up," said Chi, "But he's a great fighter. Did you know he worked as a sumo wrestler joining the Lin Kuei?"

"Sektor is not very proud of that career choice," said Sektor, lowering his head in shame.

"Interesting," said Shinnok, sarcastically, "Now, where is everyone? We must prepare for our journey into Edenia!"

"I'm on it!" said Noob, who then left to gather up the Brotherhood of the Shadow.

"Man," said Mileena, "I hope this goes well. I'm a little scared of travelling after my incident a few years back..."

**-Flashback-**

Mileena walked into an airport holding a couple of suitcases. She was supposed to meet up with Shao Kahn in another part of Outworld. She was wearing a hoodie with what appeared to be a bomb strapped to it.

"Put your luggage here ma'am," said the airport security guard, "And walk through the scanner."

However, just as Mileena was about to walk through the scanner, the security guard stopped her.

"What is that?" asked the guard.

"What is what?" asked Mileena.

"That thing strapped to your chest?"

"That? Oh, it's a little 'art project' of mine."

"Jesus Christ! It's a bomb!"

"But it's not real!"

"I'm gonna need back up," said the guard in a walkie-talkie, "We got ourselves a terrorist!"

"But..."

Within seconds, Mileena found herself surrounded by security guards who held her down.

"She's fighting back," said one guard, "Tase her!"

The guards then all tased her and Mileena began to spaz.

Meanwhile, in the background, Kai and Shujinko stood watching the incident.

"Damn," said Kai, "Maybe I should go home and change my shirt before getting on the flight."

Kai then opened his jacket and showed Shujinko his shirt, which read: _Bombs Away_!

**-End Flashback-**

"Oh," said Quan Chi, "Well, that explains the skimpy clothing!"

"Hey!" snapped Mileena, "Shut up! I'm traumatized, okay?"

"Who knew traumatisation could be so sexy?"

Mileena then slapped Chi and walked away.

"BUUUURN!" said Shinnok, "She totally _pwned_ you man!"

Chi simply shook his head.

"Sir," said Noob, returning with the army, "We're ready..."

"Excellent," said Shinnok, "Now, remember: We are supposed to be refugees from a war torn nation seeking refuge in Edenia's capitol city...Got it?"

Everyone nodded.

"Costumes everyone!"

Everyone put on a series of costumes that made them look like they came from a third world country.

"Sir," said Noob, "This cloak I have to wear is embarrassing! I look like I'm..."

"Gay?" said Shinnok.

"No!" said Noob, "Just...Um, I um...Let's just go!"

"Alright," said Shinnok, "Brothers, our time has come. Within seconds, we will be heading to Edenia. As long as we are in disguise, there is no need for violence. If something should go wrong, then you must obey my general, Noob. I will be up in the heavens, taking care of those pesky gods. Once I am done, the conquering will begin!"

Everyone cheered.

* * *

"I don't get it, Drahmin," said Moloch, who stood watching from a distance, "I thought Shinnok wanted to destroy the gods, now he says he wants to take care of them?"

"I think he means 'take care of them' as in, 'get rid of them'" replied Drahmin.

"Oh," said Moloch, "I kinda feel bad about not going...I like dressing up. Especially at night when we put on the leather suits and...

"SHHH!" said Drahmin, "Not so loud. I don't think people, not even in the Netherrealm, are ready to visualize that yet."

"Okay," said Moloch, "Hey, look who's there. It's our old friend, Lester! HEY LESTER! Good luck taking over the world!"

Moloch waved at an Oni standing in the crowd of soldiers. The Oni simply pulled the finger.

"Oh, Lester," said Moloch, "He always cracks me up!"

"Come on," said Drahmin, "We better get home and continue cleaning out the closet. I can't believe how much space those damn iron balls of yours take up!"

"Alright," said Shinnok, "I am now opening the portal. Prepare yourselves!"

Shinnok pulled out his magic amulet and said the spell. Within seconds, the entire army had crossed the portal into Edenia...

* * *

Jarek, still shaken from his encounter with Baraka, ran throughout the city, searching for a place to hide. He eventually stumbled upon the Royal Palace and knocked on the large doors. A tall, dark-skinned woman wearing a green unitard answered.

"Yes?" she said.

"Damn," said Jarek, "Why does everyone in this realm have to dress so skimpy?"

"Ahem," said the woman, "Get to the point, please."

"Um, yes," began Jarek, "You see I'm lost and possibly in danger. Is it okay if you let me in, or at least let me use your phone?"

"I don't think so," said the woman, "Queen Sindel has strict rules about who she lets in here."

Just then, a guard approached the woman and whispered into her ear.

"Oh!" she said, "Sorry, I forgot! We were expecting a new servant to come work for us today. I guess you are him."

"Actually I..." Jarek, however, thought this was a great way to make money for the while, "Yes, I applied for a job here!"

"Excellent," said the woman, "My name is Jade. I am the head guard here. Welcome to the Royal Palace! I'll show you around."

Jarek entered and Jade showed Jarek many different area of the castle.

"So," began Jade, "This castle was built like a bazillion years ago by King Jerrod's Grandfather's cousin-in-law's step-brother whom he absolutely despised and admired at the same time. This castle survived two wars: The war of the Sacred Jewel and the Blockbuster War. It was in the Blockbuster War that this entire wall you see here was knocked down and had to be rebuilt by my very own great-grandfather and his buddies in what turned out to be the coldest winter of the past 15 000 years..."

"Excuse me," said Jarek, "Blockbuster War?"

"Yeah," said Jade, "Blockbuster was pissed because we rented _The Matrix _and forgot to return it on time. Of course, that was before they got rid of late fees."

"God, what a nut!" thought Jarek.

"Anyways, now that you are a servant here," began Jade, "You must answer to me, Princess Kitana, or Queen Sindel only. Got it?"

Jarek nodded.

"Perfect. You can start working now!"

Jade then slammed shackles onto his wrist.

"Hey!" said Jarek, "What's the deal?"

"I thought you knew already," said Jade, "We are suffering a small monetary crisis here at the palace, so we were forced to lay off workers and hire instead cheap foreign labour."

"Yeah, what's with shackles? Am I some kind of slave or something?"

"Duh!" said Jade, "Everyone who works here now are prisoners from outside the realm! Now, you will begin working in the kitchen!"

"Nooooooooooooooooo!"

Jarek soon found himself in the palace kitchen.

"What am I supposed to do?" asked Jarek.

"Clean up for now," said Jade, "Just talk to Reptile. He'll explain everything."

"Reptile?" said Jarek, but Jade was already gone, "Um..."

"Ah," said a voice, "Ssssssso glad you're finally here!"

"AH!" screamed Jarek.

The creature that stood before him was a half man, half lizard wearing a mask that only half-covered his mouth and a purple ninja-like outfit.

"Yesssss," said Reptile, "Now, lisssssten to me. I have been working here for two yearssssss now as a punishment for ssssserving Shao Kahn and attempting to take over Earthrealm. As the mossssst ssssssenior member of the kitchen ssssstaff, you will do as I ssssssay. Underssssssstood?"

Jarek nodded.

"Exssssssssellent," said Reptile, "Here, take thissss mop and ssssssweep the floor. The chefsssss recently made an omelette sssssupreme and left a hell of a messsssssss."

"This is a mistake," said Jarek, "I'm not supposed to be here! I just want to go home! I always get the shitty end of the stick."

"I want to go home too," said Reptile, "But my home realm was dessssstroyed! And everyone I love is gone. And I'm going absssssoloutely insssane! And I'm ssssslowly de-evolving into a horrid lizard creature! Ah! Now look who got the shitty end of the sssstick!"

"I'm sorry..." said Jarek.

"That's nothing," said Reptile, "Did I ever tell you the ssssstory of when I worked as a Protector?"

"Seeing as we just met, no..."

**-Flashback-**

Reptile stood in the main room of a large building surrounded by several large men.

"You're fucked," said one of the large men, "We're gonna take you out!"

"That isssss where you are misssstaken!" said Reptile.

Reptile charged towards the men, but was suddenly picked up and tossed across the room. He crashed into a large elephant ornament.

The large men laughed. Reptile angrily stood up and the strong men immediately ran towards him. Reptile then picked up the broken elephant legs off the floor.

"Here's ssssssomething to shake a leg at," chuckled Reptile.

Reptile swung the elephant legs around like clubs and knocked out two of the men before the legs broke.

"You're fucked now, pretty boy!" said the last guy.

As he charged towards Reptile, Reptile threw himself to the floor and slashed the man's ankles with the splinters formed by the broken legs. Once they were all down, he saw a tall, thin woman running up the stairs.

"You!" said Reptile, "Get back here!"

Reptile chased her all the way to the rooftop where she grabbed onto a helicopter that immediately took off. Reptile ran as fast as he could and leapt off the building in an attempt to catch up to the helicopter.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" screamed Reptile.

**-End Flashback-**

"Wait," said Jarek, "Isn't that from the movie _The Protector_?"

"Um," said Reptile, "It was basssssed off of me!

"Right..." said Jarek.

"Jusssssst get back to work!"

* * *

The Brotherhood of the Shadow stood outside the main entrance of Edenia, waiting for Tanya to come along and let them in.

"What the fuck is taking that bitch so long?" asked Noob.

"Relax," said Quan Chi, "She'll be here soon."

"I'm telling you," said Noob, "It was a mistake trusting her. I mean she's the ambassador's daughter! How do we know she won't just rat on us or something?"

"Hey!" said Chi, "Don't look at me, Shinnok was the one who told me to go find her!"

"I just suggested it," said Shinnok.

"Fucking liar!" said Chi.

"Sektor is growing impatient!" added Sektor.

"Don't get involved," said Chi, "You're not even supposed to have emotions!"

"Boys, boys!" said Tanya, arriving at the gate, "Calm down."

"Geez," said Chi, "What took you so long?"

"I was getting my hair done," replied Tanya, "Now, before we enter Edenia, you guys gotta fill out these forms."

"But," began Shinnok, "We're not really immigrating here, we're trying to take over the world!"

"Yeah, I know," said Tanya, "But Jade is keeping a close eye on me and I can't let her get suspicious, so just act you really are immigrating here!"

"Grrrr," said Shinnok, "Alright, give me those papers!"

Shinnok took one paper and passed the rest down.

"Did everyone get one?" asked Shinnok.

"I didn't get one," said a random guy in the back.

"Hold your horses," said Quan Chi, "They're coming!"

After several minutes of signing paperwork, the "refugees" were allowed to enter. Tanya lead them throughout the town and eventually, they arrived at the Royal Palace. Tanya knocked on the door.

"Oh, hi, Tanya," said Jade in an irritated voice.

"Hello," said Tanya, all cheerful, "How's my favourite girl in green doing?"

"What do you want?" asked Jade.

"I brought the refugees I told you about," replied Tanya.

"Oh, right. Listen, I appreciate you helping out foreigners, but next time, try not to make it so short notice. We're up to our ears with work over here!"

"Yeah, yeah. Alright, guys! Let's go!"

Tanya and Jade lead the gang into the palace. Quan Chi and Shinnok admired the sheer beauty of the palace.

"So," said Jade, "What country are you guys from?"

"Um," began Chi, "The war-torn nation of...Letvanialazackstan."

"Never heard of it. Is it in Edenia?"

"Actually, it's at the border..."

"The border?"

"Of Edenia and Seido...I think."

"Right. Do you guys speak English there? Your English is pretty good."

"No..I mean yes...I mean, we speak many languages. We are a very smart country."

"I see. Here in Edenia, we are forced to learn at least seven languages by the age of ten."

Quan Chi just stared at her.

"I only learned six," whispered Jade, "Don't tell anyone."

"So," began Shinnok, "Where are you taking us?"

"To see Queen Sindel," replied Jade, "So she and Tanya can officially welcome you as citizens."

"Cool," said Shinnok.

"Actually," said Tanya, "I need to talk to Jade in private first. Why don't you refugees just stay here for now?"

"Um, Tanya," began Jade, "What is this about?"

"Just come with me." Tanya pulled Jade into another room, leaving the gang out in the hallway.

"Perfect," said Shinnok, "Now, we can carry out our plan. In case I don't make it back, I need you guys to run back to the Netherrealm as fast as possible! Now, where is the portal?"

"At the back of the palace," replied Chi, "First floor."

"Let's go! You guys, make sure no one comes our way. Got it?"

"Yessir!" said Noob, "Come on, guys!"

As Shinnok and Quan Chi ran down one way, Noob and the rest of the gang headed another way.

* * *

"I don't get it," said Jade, "You pulled in here just to talk to me about your father's terrible foot odour?"

"Um," began Tanya, "You see, it's a serious condition and he needs help on how to cure it! I mean, you know how bad the house smells because of him?"

"Geez!" said Jade, "I don't know, I'm not a foot expert! Just put _Goldbond _all over his feet! What do you want me to say?"

"Okay..."

"We better go back to see the refugees," said Jade, heading to the door.

"WAIT!" said Tanya, "Have I ever told you about the time I used to grow watermelons?"

"It sounds to me like you're trying to distract me from something..."

"No! That's crazy! I mean, we could just step outside if you want. I don't care!"

"I could just leave now," began Jade, moving up to the door. Tanya began to sweat. "You know what? I'm gonna stay here and listen to you blab about foot odour and watermelons!"

"Really? Cool..."

* * *

Noob and his troops ran down the corridor until they arrived in a large room.

"Um," said Mileena, "What are we doing here?"

"Distracting some guards," replied Noob.

"I don't think this is a good..."

"HEY!" shouted a guard, "What are you people doing here?"

"We are refugees seeking refuge in Edenia, and we...um, got lost...and can you can tell us where the bathroom is?"

The guard eyed Noob suspiciously and walked up to him and pulled off his hood.

"AAAAHHH!" screamed the guard, "A wraith!"

Noob then grabbed the man and snapped his neck.

"Uh-oh," said Mileena, "This is not good."

"Relax," said Noob, "It's just one guy. We can..."

At that moment, an alarm rang.

"Damn!" said Noob, "These guys are good!"

* * *

Jade, hearing the alarm, ran out of the room and discovered the refugees were all gone.

"Where the fuck did they go?" she demanded.

"Don't look at me," said Tanya.

"Why the fuck did I just sit there listening to your dumb stories? I am gonna be in so much trouble!"

Jade then ran off.

"I guess my work is done here," said Tanya, "I better get out!"

* * *

"WHAT THE FUCK?" shouted Shinnok, angered by the sound of the alarm.

"It sounds like somebody sounded the alarm..." replied Chi.

"NO SHIT!" snapped Shinnok.

"Well, sir," said Chi, "I guess there's no need for a stealthy approach now."

"You're right! It's time to do this the old fashioned way! Let's go!"


	7. Chapter 6

****

Mortal Kombat 4: Mayhem!

**Chapter 6:**

"My Queen," said a guard as he entered the throne room, "Some outsiders have broken into the palace."

"Assemble your men," said Sindel, "Stop those intruders! Kitana..." Sindel turned to Kitana, who was standing next to her, "Lead them."

"Yes, mother!" said Kitana, running out of the room.

* * *

"This is bad," said Mileena, running down a corridor, "They're gonna find out what we're up to! Do you realize what they're gonna do if they find out Quan Chi and Shinnok are in Heaven?"

"What?" asked Noob.

"They're gonna destroy the portal so they can't get back!"

"That's why," began Noob, "We gotta kill every guard we find! Listen up, people! It's time for Plan B!"

"What's that?" asked Mileena.

"We take over Edenia!"

"WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHOOOOO!" screamed the Brotherhood, as they removed their refugee disguises.

The gang then split up to better cover the castle.

"You there," shouted a guard to Noob, "STOP!"

Noob then pulled out a shuriken and shot it at the guard, which lodged itself in his face. Just then more guards showed up.

"Fools," muttered Noob.

Noob then pulled out a large collection of shurikens and fired them at the oncoming swarm, killing them all. Noob and the Brotherhood ran further down the castle and began massacring every guard that came in their path. Sektor fired a missile at another oncoming swarm.

"Asta la vista, baby." said Sektor, in his cold, emotionless voice.

Meanwhile, Mileena and several other soldiers found themselves fighting off more guards in another area of the castle.

"Come on, pretty lady," said a guard, holding his spear at her face, "Why would you wanna work with these freaks?"

"Because," replied Mileena, "I'm a freak too."

She then pulled down her veil, revealing her horrifying teeth.

"OH! THE HUMANITY!" screamed the guard.

Mileena pulled out her sai and plunged them into his throat. She then ran off to kill more guards. Just then, more people entered the room, this time, lead by Kitana. Mileena had just killed another guard when she noticed Kitana at the entrance.

"Mileena?" said Kitana, "But how is this possible? You're dead!"

"Well, now I'm back!" said Mileena, "And we're taking over this realm!"

"The hell you are!"

Mileena and Kitana then charged towards each other and began to fight.

* * *

Quan Chi and Shinnok found themselves in front of the Portal to the heavens.

"Are you ready, Quan Chi?" asked Shinnok.

"Hellz yeah!" replied Chi.

The two then removed their refugee disguises. Shinnok had a bandolier wrapped around his body, as well as a belt around his waist that held various explosives like grenades. He looked like Rambo. Shinnok then put on a pair of sunglasses and held up his light machine gun.

"I'm ready," said Shinnok, "You?"

Quan Chi had a shotgun attached to his back and was holding a huge chainsaw in one hand.

"I'm groovy," said Chi.

"Ummmmm..." said Shinnok, "Yeah, let's just do this!"

Quan Chi and Shinnok opened the portal and slowly stepped inside.

In the middle of the Heavnens, there was a large square where the Gods gathered and ate and discussed random things. On a high-up cloud, Quan Chi and Shinnok watched several gods hanging out in the spot.

"Aaaah," said Shinnok, "Good old Heaven Square. Brings back so many memories...Let's do this!"

"YEAH!" said Quan Chi and the two jumped down into the middle of the square as everyone stared in shock.

"SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND!" shouted Shinnok.

He then pulled out his machine gun and began firing on the gods in the square, killing them all.

"I'll take the south side," said Chi, slicing up several gods with his chainsaw.

"Go!" said Shinnok, "We'll meet up later!"

Quan Chi tossed aside the chainsaw and pulled out his shotgun before running off. Once all the gods in the square were dead, an alarm went off.

"Do your worst," muttered Shinnok.

Just then, what appeared to be a swarm of little angels appeared. They were all carrying little bombs.

"Damn," said Shinnok, "I forgot about those little bastards!"

The angels then began dropping the bombs onto Heaven Square, forcing Shinnok to take cover underneath a nearby table to survive.

* * *

Noob and his troops entered a large room in the palace. After killing the guards, they looked around. There were many slaves renovating the room.

"Who are you?" demaded the head slave, Reptile.

"We're from the Netherrealm," replied Noob, "We're taking over this place!"

"Ssssssweet!" said Reptile, "Doessss that mean you're ssssetting usssss free?"

"I guess," said Noob, "We'll see."

"That usually meansssss no," said Reptile, lowering his head.

Just then, more guards entered the room, and Noob immediately focused his attention on them. During the ensuing chaos, many slaves teamed up with the Brotherhood and helped fight off the guards, while others, like Reptile, hid in the shadows. Jarek, however, saw this as an oppurtunity to escape.

"Ah-Ha!" said Jarek, "My oppurtunity to escape!"

Ahem, I just said that. Anyways, Jarek fought his way through the combatants and ran for the front exit.

"Freedom!" he cired, "At last! HA HA HA! Now, I must find somewhere to hide!"

Jarek ran off. At the same time, Noob and his troops also left the palace and began to fight off civilians.

* * *

"Give up!" ordered Mileena, as she held Kitana in chokehold.

"NEVER!" said Kitana, punching Mileena in the stomach.

Mileena rolled off of Kitana and quickly stood up. Kitana jumped in the air and did several pretty kicks, which Mileena blocked.

"My turn!" Mileena jumped into the air and kicked Kitana in the face.

Without saying a word, Kitana charged towards Mileena and punched Mileena several times. Mileena blocked most of the shots, but the last punch got Mileena right on the nose.

"You'll pay for that, you Edenian witch!" said Mileena, wiping the blood from her nose.

Mileena then dove towards Kitana and they began to wrestle. Just then several guards enetered the room and aimed crossbows at the two combatants.

"Freeze!" commanded a guard.

"Um," said the other guard, "Which one is the evil one?"

The two stopped fighting.

"SHE IS!" they said at the same time.

"Oh God," said the guard, "Here we go..."

"Shoot her!" said Mileena, "She's the evil one!"

"Fuck off, you whore!" said Kitana, "Guards, she's the one you want!"

"I'm confused," said the guard.

"I think the one on the right is Kitana," said the other guard, "Her pink costume is prettier!"

"What kind of logic is that?" said the other guard, "Kitana wears many costumes, some pretty some not!"

"Yeah, but today she's wearing a nice costume!"

"Ahem," said Kitana, "May I suggest we remove Mileena's veil? Maybe then, we'll know who is who..."

When Kitana turned around, she saw that Mileena had run away during the argument.

"DAMN IT!" screamed Kitana, "YOU DUNDERHEADS BETTER FIND HER!"

"Wait," said the guard, "Are you Kitana or Mileena or what?"

"I'M KITANA!" said Kitana, "MILEENA HAS A FUCKED UP MOUTH! And my costumes are always pretty."

"Yes ma'am," said the guard, "Right away, ma'am."

"We're on it!" said the other guard.

They then left. Kitana rubbed her forehead.

* * *

Quan Chi ran through the Heavens carrying his shotgun. Every god that came his way, Quan Chi shot them.

"Sweet!" said Chi, "God, I love my job!"

Just then, Quan Chi was tackled from behind. His shotgun rolled far away from him.

"SHIT!" snapped Chi.

The guard who tackled him was none other than Fujin.

"You will pay!" said Fujin.

Fujin then charged a powerful tornado, which he used to lift Quan Chi high up into the air. Quan Chi tumbled to the ground.

"Ow," said Chi, "Scratch my last statement."

Fujin then lifed Quan Chi and tossed him into the window of a nearby angel cake store. (Ha! Ha! Get it? Angel cake! Ha! It's funny because they're in Heaven and...Aw, nevermind.) Quan Chi climbed his way out of the window and staggered to the floor. Fujin approached Chi slowly.

"You are finished, sorcerer!" said the god of wind.

Just then, Shinnok appeared and struck Fujin with an energy blast, knocking him out.

"Right on time, sir!" said Chi.

"Don't mention it," said Shinnok, "Now, let me finish the job..."

Shinnok slowly approached Fujin.

"Hey!" shouted a voice, "Pick on somebody your own size!"

Shinnok turned around and saw the glaring eyes of the Thundergod, Raiden.

"Raiden," said Shinnok, "My old adversary."

"I see you've come to finish what you started," said Raiden, "How was your stay in the Netherrealm, by the way?"

"Interesting," replied Shinnok, "I overthrew Lucifer and became supreme ruler of Hell."

"That's good. You've made quite a name for yourself."

"What about you?" asked Shinnok, "I see not much has changed in Heaven."

"I saved Earthrealm a few times," said Raiden, "I also won some money in a lottery and blew it all in a dogfighting ring. No big deal."

"Cool," said Shinnok,"Ready to settle this?"

"Let's do this," said Raiden.

The two then fired energy blasts at each other. Each god ran around, trying to dodge the blasts. Quan Chi stood next to Fujin's unconscious body, watching the spectacle.

"All these explosions," said Quan Chi, "It's too fucking bright."

He then put on some shades.

"That's better..."

The battle raged on for several minutes before Raiden gained the upper hand. Raiden delivered an uppercut that knocked Shinnok into the wall of a building.

"Don't worry, sir!" said Quan Chi, "I'm coming!"

But before Quan Chi had a chance to do anything, Raiden sent a bolt olf electricity that knocked the sorcerer down. Raiden then walked up to Shinnok.

"I should have done this all those millenia ago!" said Raiden, "Time to die!"

Shinnok frantically looked around. He saw the shotgun that Quan Chi had dropped.

"Over _your_ dead body!" yelled Shinnok as he grabbed the gun and fired it straight at Raiden's chest.

"Ha!" laughed Shinnok, "We did it! We defeated the gods!"

Quan Chi woke up and walked towards Shinnok.

"Are you okay?" asked Chi.

"Yeah," replied Shinnok, "You?"

"I've been better," said Quan Chi, twitching from the electric jolt in his body.

"Let's go back to Edenia," said Shinnok, "Noob probably needs our help..."

After Quan Chi and Shinnok left the heavens, Fujin awoke. He immediately walked up to the fallen Thundergod.

"Raiden?" he said.

Raiden suddenly stood up. He removed his clothing, revealing a bullet-proof vest.

"Fujin," he said, coldly, "Let's go gather the heroes."

* * *

The streets of Edenia was filled with chaos as soldiers clashed with members of the Brotherhood of the Shadow. Mileena ran through the streets of Edenia, trying to meet up with Noob. As she made her way through the mess, she saw a familiar figure being escorted through the streets by policemen.

"Baraka?" said Mileena.

"Mileena?" said Baraka.

The two, however, were immediately separated by soldiers fighting.

"It can't be," whispered Baraka, "That guy was telling the truth. My Mileena is alive and she's here! I must find her!"

Baraka immediately elbowed one of the policemen and kicked the other in the stomach. Baraka then unsheathed his elbow blades and sliced one cop's head off. The other cop attempted to pull out his gun, but Baraka quickly chopped his hand off. Baraka then stabbed the guy in the chest before running off to find Mileena.

Jade, Sindel, and Kitana ran through the palace, attempting to find guards that can control the situation. Along the way, they met Tanya.

"Tanya?" said Kitana, "Are you alright?"

"Yeah," replied Tanya.

"Listen," said Jade, "You gotta come with us! We have to fight this threat!"

"But...but...but..." began Tanya.

"Come on!" snapped Sindel.

"On second thought..." Tanya then ran for cover.

"Tanya?"

Suddenly, Shinnok and Quan Chi appeared before the three girls.

"Hello, ladies," said Shinnok, "Looking for something?"

"Uh-oh..." said the three girls.

"This realm is ours now," said Shinnok, "As well as the whole universe soon! HA! HA! HA!"

The falled Elder God had the three thrown into prison, along with many other guards and servants in the palace. Within several minutes, the situation outside calmed down. Part 1 of Shinnok's plan was complete...


	8. Chapter 7

**Mortal Kombat 4: Mayhem!**

**Chapter 7:**

"Okay," began Quan Chi, "What is your name?"

"Reiko," replied the other guy.

"Reiko?" asked Chi, "Isn't that a girl's name or something?"

"It could be..." said Reiko.

"Yes," said Chi, "Anyways, do you have any previous work experience that qualifies you to join the Brotherhood of the Shadow?"

"I was a general in Shao Kahn's army," said Reiko.

"A general? No offense, but you look more like the lone ninja type."

"For your information, I was Shao Kahn's greatest general. He said so himself!"

"That's good. Now, what skills can you bring to our Brotherhood?"

"I can throw ninja stars. I'm also very intimidating. People are scared of my eye tattoos!"

"Um, yeah. Besides that, anything else?"

"I can kick people's torsos right off their bodies."

"Well, that sounds...useless. What can you do for us as a member of our team?"

"I can lead your troops and fight the good guys."

"Yeah, but we already got people doing that. Don't you have some crazy scheme cooked up that can alter the course of the _Mortal Kombat_ series? Or, aren't you going to betray Shinnok and take his position for yourself? I mean, just being Shao Kahn's former general isn't much of a backstory..."

"I would never betray my master!"

Quan Chi shook his head. "I'm sorry, but I don't think you're right for this job. Thanks for applying, though!"

"It'as alright," said Reiko, "I thank you for your time."

"Maybe you'll be more useful in _Armaggedon_," added Chi.

"Bye, Mr. Chi."

Just then, Reiko stood up and a large, blue portal opened up. Reiko slowly walked into the portal and emerged into a large empty room. Reiko approached the throne in the centre of the room and picked up the helmet on it and put it on.

"Oh, look at me!" said Reiko, "I'm Shao Kahn! I'm so big and powerful. I must take over Earthrealm and destroy my enemies!"

"Hey, Reiko," said Shao Kahn, entering the room, "Have you seen my..."

Upon seeing Reiko, he suddenly stopped. The two stared at each other awkwardly for a few seconds.

"Um," said Kahn, "I see that you found my helmet..."

"Yes," said Reiko, removing the helmet, "It was right here."

"Um, thanks," said Kahn, slowly walking out of the room, "I have to go and um...do stuff. See ya!"

"Yeah," said Reiko, "Bye..."

* * *

Back in Edenia, a frustrated Quan Chi sat in the small room as the cyborg, Sektor approached him.

"I don't know," said Quan Chi, "I thought seeking out new members for the Brotherhood would be easy, but everyone sucks!"

"What is wrong with Sektor?" said Sektor, "Is he not already a worthy killing machine?"

"You're good, but in the fight against our enemies, we'll need all the help we can get!"

Quan Chi and Sektor left the room and walked around the palace a bit until they saw someone.

"Halt!" ordered Quan Chi, "Show yourself!"

"Halt!" repeated Sektor, who then fired a missile in the direction of the figure, blowing up most of the hallway.

"Wasn't that a little extreme?" asked Chi.

"Apologies!" shouted Sektor.

"Pleassssse!" said Reptile, emerging from the shadows, "Don't hurt me!"

"Who are you?" demanded Quan Chi.

"My name issss Reptile!" said Reptile.

"Reptile?" asked Chi, "Weren't you supposed to have been banished to the Netherrealm?"

"No..." replied Reptile.

"Yeah! I have you on file and everything!"

"Well...Jusssst dayssss before my trial, the guard forgot to lock my ccccccell door properly, and I esssscaped! I then fled to Edenia where I wassss captured and forcccced to become a ssssslave here in the palacccce!"

"Why the fuck does everyone flee to Edenia? As if it was the safest realm!"

"Clearly it is not," added Sektor.

"Lissssten," said Reptile, "I'm ssssssorry for fleeing Hell!"

"It's alright," said Chi, "It's not like we needed you there. But we do need you now. How would you like to join our team?"

"What'ssssss the reward?" asked Reptile.

"Anything you want..."

"Great! I want Shinnok to ssssend me back in time to before Shao Kahn desssstroyed my home realm ssssso I can sssssave it!"

"I'll see."

"That usually meansssss no." Reptile lowered his head.

* * *

After running through the streets of Edenia for what felt like hours, Baraka finally found the Royal Palace. He banged on the doors and waited for someone to answer.

"Eeee-yeeeees?" said the guard as he answered the door.

"I'm looking for Mileena," said Baraka, "Please! Is she here?"

"Yeah, but you can't see her without an appointment, so SCRAM!"

The guard attempted to slam the door shut but Baraka fought his way through. The guard attempted to subdue Baraka, but merely got stabbed in the leg.

"You fucking bastard!" snapped the guard.

"HEY!" said a voice, "What's going on here?"

"Mileena?" said Baraka.

Baraka turned around and saw Mileena standing in the distance.

"Baraka," whispered Mileena, "I can't believe it's you!"

The two then ran up to each other and hugged and kissed for several minutes. The guard in the background continued to bleed from his leg.

"Awww..." said the guard, "How sweet. Now, can somebody help me?"

"I love you so much Mileena," said Baraka, "I went mad when I found out you were dead. But I did not give up! I always had a feeling you were somewhere out there."

"I missed you too, Baraka," said Mileena, "All those quiet, lonely days in the Netherrealm. I couldn't wait to leave and start this invasion so I can see you again!"

They then kissed. The guard in the background crawled away in pain.

"You wanna work for us?" asked Mileena.

"Do I?" said Baraka, "Ha! This is the happiest day of my life!"

"Say, do you wanna read some of my poetry?"

"You write poetry now?"

"Yeah, it's great!"

"I'll read it later..."

Mileena and Baraka then walked into the palace.

* * *

"GET BACK HERE!" ordered the soldier.

With Edenia now taken over by the Brotherhood of the Shadow, it was no longer a safe place for strangers like Jarek to hang around. The Black Dragon found himself being chased through the streets by two angry soldiers.

"Help!" shouted Jarek, "Help!"

Jarek arrived at the edge of town and ran out of places to hide.

"Just great," siad Jarek, "Now what?"

"Pssssst...Over here!"

Jarek turned around and saw a small wooden house all by itself. A man was standing at the door and inviting Jarek in. Desperate to evade the soldiers, Jarek ran straight for the house and entered.

"Thanks," said Jarek.

"It's not over yet," said the man, "We better hide you."

The man opened a hatch in the floor and he and Jarek climbed in. At that moment, the soldiers burst in.

"Alright," said one of them, "Where is he?"

"Let's search the house!" said the other guy.

They began to explore the house.

"He's not here," said one soldier, "He must have fled town."

"I don't know," said the other soldier, "It makes more sense for him to come here...It's the only house for miles! We should search this place again!"

"If you've been in the business as long as I have, then you'll know to just assume things and not question anything! Now, let's go."

They then left the house.

"Gee thanks," said Jarek, "They surely would have caught me if it wasn't for you. My name is Jarek."

"Just call me Ted," said the man, "And this is my daughter, Trisha."

Standing next to Ted was a small, ten-year old girl. Jarek waved at her.

"Welcome to my house," said Ted, "It's not cozy, but it'll do! Want something to drink? I've got some cases of Peach Schnapp in the back room."

"Peach Schnapp?" asked Jarek.

"It tastes like shit," said Ted, "But it's all that I've got."

"Sure."

Ted went to the backroom and poured Jarek a glass of Peach Schnapp.

"Thanks," said Jarek, "How long have you lived here?"

"Ten years now," replied Ted, "Ever since the invasion began, however, my daughter and I were forced to hide down here to avoid being captured. We haven't stepped outside in a while, and we may have to stay here forerver!"

"Forever?" said Jarek, nervously.

"Don't you see?" said Ted, "Those creatures out there aren't just ordinary soldiers, they are warriors from the Netherrealm who belong to a secret cult bent on the destruction of mankind! We can't win, man. What's going on out there isn't a war: It's an extermination, and we're next on the list!"

"Has your dad always been this crazy?" asked Jarek to Trisha. She nodded.

"Now," began Ted, "We must prepare our new life here in the basement. Trisha, get the fire ready. I have some cockroaches I want to roast!"

Trisha went to the kitchen.

"Another fine mess I've gotten myself into," thought Jarek.

He then took a sip of his Peach Schnapp. It tasted awful.

* * *

Quan Chi and Sektor walked into the main room of the palace, where Shinnok sat in the throne, basking in his victory. Kitana was nearby, in shackles, serving the fallen Elder God.

"Who goes there?" demanded Shinnok, "Oh, it's just you, Quan Chi."

"Hey, sir!" said Chi, "I see you're enjoying your new position as supreme ruler of Edenia.

"It's fucking sweet, man!" said Shinnok, "All the drugs, hoes and grub you could ask for!"

"By hoes," began Kitana, "He means me, Jade, and my mother..."

"But sir," said Chi, "You had all that as ruler of the Netherrealm!"

"Yeah," said Shinnok, "But the chicks weren't as hot!"

"Thanks," said Kitana, smiling.

"Quiet, slave-bitch!" said Shinnok, "No one told you to talk! Now, head into the back room. I want you to prepare the massage table. I feel very tense at the moment and I could use a good back rub."

Kitana winced and walked into the back room.

"Sir," said Chi, "We must be careful. This takeoever of Edenia is not without consequences. You can expect people from Edenia to rebel."

"Yeah, yeah," said Shinnok, "I know. Even as ruler of the Netherrealm, I faced lots of adversity. As long as I have my amulet, I'll be powerful...and safe!"

Shinnok then stripped off his clothes and headed to the backroom.

"That's what you think," muttered Chi.

"Sektor does not comprehend," said Sektor.

"It's nothing, nevermind!"

"But Sektor is curious!"

"So much for being an emotionless cyborg." Quan Chi sighed. "Shinnok believes he has the real amulet, but the truth is I do."

Quan Chi held it up to Sektor.

"I created a fake amulet around the time Shinnok sent me on my mission to find the amulet all those centuries ago. I then found the real amulet and kept it, while I gave Shinnok my fake amulet."

"Sektor is now in shock mode."

"Yes," continued Chi, "When the time is right, I will reveal my betrayal and take over the realms for myself! Shinnok himself will bow down to me! Ha! Ha! Ha!"

"Can Sektor help in your world conquest?"

"Sure. I still need you to protect me from Sub-Zero."

"Yes. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha..."

"Alright that's enough."

"Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha..."

"Damn, he must be broken." Quan Chi then kicked the cyborg in the side, put an end to his endless, emotionless laugh.

"Beep!" said Sektor, "What was Sektor laughing about again?"

"I told you a funny dumb blonde joke." lied Chi, "Now get out!"

Through the other side of the door, Baraka stood listening to their conversation.

"So," he began, "The Chi-man has the real amulet, eh? Perfect..."

Baraka began to laugh. Sektor suddenly opened the door, smacking Baraka in the face and knocking him out.


	9. Chapter 8

**Mortal Kombat 4: Mayhem!**

**Chapter 8:**

The next day, Tanya walked through the basement dungeons, trying to find her way to the bathroom.

"Psssst!" said Jade, from her cell, "Tanya! Over here!"

"Jade?"

Tanya walked over to Jade's cell, where both Jade and Sindel sat.

"I'm so happy you're okay!" said Jade, "I thought for sure those Brotherhood guys got you!"

"Heh heh..." said Tanya, "I guess I'm too cunning."

"Listen," said Jade, "You gotta get us out!"

"Um..." said Tanya, "Wait, where's Kitana?"

"She has another cell in the other section," replied Jade, "There should be a key nearby...Damn! A guard is coming! HIDE!"

Tanya looked around a bit before hiding in a corner.

"Hey, Tanya!" said the guard as he walked by.

"Tanya?" said Jade, "What the hell?"

"He probably mistook me for somebdy else," lied Tanya.

The guard suddenly returned.

"By the way, Tanya," said the guard," Shinnok wants to see you in the throne room later, okay?"

"Okay..."

The guard walked away. Tanya looked awkwardly at Jade and began to chuckle nervously.

"Tanya," said Jade, "Could you come here?"

Tanya moved closer to the cell. Suddenly Jade reached out through the bars and grabbed Tanya's throat.

"WHAT WAS THAT?" demanded Jade, "ARE YOU WALKING FOR THESE CREEPS?"

"It's not like that," said Tanya, choking, "You see, they came to me with an offer. I had to let them into Edenia or die!"

"YOU BITCH!" yelled Jade, slamming Tanya's head into the bars repeatedly, "I WOULD HAVE DIED PROTECTING MY REALM AND YOU GO AND BETRAY US?"

"Jade!" snapped Sindel, "Let her go! We are a peaceful people, remember?"

Jade angrily threw Tanya down. Tanya stood up and coughed a bit.

"I swear to God," said Jade, "If I ever got outta here, I'm going to murder you!"

"Yeah," said Tanya, "But guess what? You're in prison and I'm out here, safe! So kiss my ass, Jade! For al those years, you were jealous of me and you treated me like shit and bossed me around and acted like I was useless. Well, now it's my turn! If you were smart like me, you would be out here poking fun at you...Wait, that sounded wrong. Anyways, I get to boss you around and treat you guys like shit now, so you better learn to get used to it! I'm the head bitch in charge! HA!"

Tanya then walked away, laughing.

"Calm down, Jade," said Sindel, "We'll get outta this."

"Man," said Jade, "I just wanna take that bitch and feed her to a swarm of hungry Tarkata."

"Don't worry," assured Sindel, "You'll get your chance."

* * *

After two years of believing each other to be dead, Baraka and Mileena had gone on their first date-At a coffee shop. Awwww. How cute...

"So," said Mileena, "The staples...Do they hurt?"

"Used to," said Baraka, taking a sip from his espresso, "If I hadn't bolted out of the hospital so fast, I would have heard from the doctor how long I'm supposed to keep these on. To be safe, I'll just keep them on forever."

"You know," said Mileena, swirling her cappuccino around, "Shinnok could probably get rid of those staples and heal you just like that. He is a powerful man after all."

"Sweet," said Baraka.

"Um," said Mileena, "But you know, you don't have to get rid of them right away. They actually look kinda sexy on you."

"I guess, but when we...you know, they might get in the way."

"Are you saying we should start 'doing it'?"

"Well, we've been dating for many years now."

"Yeah, but I don't feel ready, you know...I mean, I haven't seen you in two years. I have to re-adjust a bit."

"Re-adjust?"

"Let's change the subject," said Mileena, taking a sip, "So, did you kill anybody lately?"

"Just a couple of hours ago," said Baraka, finishing up his espresso, "I chopped up a homeless guy who asked me for some change."

"Oh, Baraka, you haven't changed a bit."

"Guess what what I heard yesterday?"

"What?"

"Chi-Chi is planning on betraying ghost-face. He swapped amulets with the ex-god."

"So?"

"Shinnok is a formidable opponent, but Quan Chi is a weakling. I can sneak up on him at night and take the amulet for myself! Then I will be super powerful and have total control of the realms!"

Mileena just stared at him.

"And you will be my Queen, my love!"

"I don't know," said Mileena, "Sounds dangerous. I mean, maybe you're underestimating him. Besides, aren't we fine, just now?"

"I think you're underestimating me," said Baraka, "Besides, we'll never get anywhere with all these responsibilities. It's always, 'kill him', 'take her out', 'get me this'...If we ruled as King and Queen, we could do whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted. Plus, you get to prove your superiority to Kitana once and for all!"

"Sounds tempting," said Mileena, "Okay. Let's do this! But I have a score to settle with Kitana first."

"So do it," said Baraka.

"Not when she's in her cell," said Mileena, "I'm gonna need the key..."

* * *

Ted ran around the house, boarding up every tiny crack he saw in the wall. Jarek simply sat on the couch, watching him, while having another terrible Peach Schnapp.

"I must board up every crack!" said Ted, "These guys can find ways of slipping through!"

"Geez," said Jarek, "Calm down. If you seal this place up any tighter, we're not going to be able to breathe anymore!"

"You're right! I don't want my little Trisha to suffocate."

Ted then began to rip off the boards from the cracks he sealed up.

"Listen," said Jarek, "No one's coming to get us. I'm sure it's safe to go out now!"

"No!" said Ted, "We can't go out! We must stay here. I bet you those creatures are standing outside right now, spreading their filthy disease!"

"Disease?" asked Jarek.

"Don't you know? Demons from the Netherrealm drink the blood of humans and turn it into this nasty plant-like substance that they spread all over the land. That's how they control your mind!"

"Um," said Jarek, "Aren't you thinking about Martians or something?"

"Oh my God!" yelled Ted, "It's already happening. This plague has entered my house! Look!"

Ted pointed at his face, revealing several red spots all over his chin.

"AAAAAHHHH! WE'RE DOOMED!"

"That looks to me like strawberry marmelade," said Jarek, taking another sip from his drink.

"Oh," said Ted, wiping his face and licking his hand.

"Mr. Jarek," said Trisha, "Has my daddy gone crazy?"

"I'm afraid he has," said Jarek, "And if he keeps this up, he's bound to attract attention from the soldiers outside!"

"I got it!" said Ted.

"What is it this time?" said Jarek annoyed.

"We're gonna escape from here!" replied Ted.

"Finally!"

"But not by going up! We're digging our way out. We travel south, and start a new life underground!"

Ted then grabbed a shovel and ran into a small room, where he began digging into the wall. Jarek slapped his forehead.

"Mr. Jarek," said Trisha, "I'm scared..."

"Don't worry," said Jarek, "I'll help him. Now, I want you to sit on this couch and close your eyes. Whatever you do, do NOT open them. Just cover your ears and sing a song."

"Okay," said Trisha. She then covered her ears and began singing _My Humps _by the Black-Eyed Peas.

"Um," said Jarek, "I kinda had _Itsy-bitsy spider _or something like that on my mind..."

Trisha could not hear him.

"Nevermind."

Jarek then grabbed a shovel and walked into the small room with Ted.

"Ah," said Ted, "You've come to help?"

Jarek said nothing. The door behind him slowly closed and he and Ted were alone.

_2 Hours later..._

Trisha realized that she had fallen asleep while singing to herself on the couch. She looked around and realized that she was alone. Trisha stood up and slowly walked towards the room that Jarek and her father were in earlier and opened it.

"Daddy?" she said, "Mr. Jarek?"

Ted and Jarek were sitting on the floor, playing _Guess Who._

"Does your character have red hair?" asked Ted.

"Yes," replied Jarek.

"Is your character Alfred?"

"Yup," said Jarek, "You win! Oh, hi, Trisha!"

"What are you guys doing?" asked Trisha.

"Playing _Guess Who _," replied Ted, "I haven't played this game in ages! God I love it!"

"You're father was a little out of control," began Jarek, "So I figured the best way to calm his nerves was by playing a board game."

"It sure worked!" laughed Ted, "Wanna play again?"

"I can't," said Jarek, "I best be going now. I gotta escape this realm, fast!"

"Well," said Ted, "It was fun having ya!"

Jarek waved goodbye to his new friends and walked away from his house. Everything seemed calm in Edenia once more.

"Aaaaah," said Jarek, "I don't know why I stayed there so long. Oh, well. Time to..."

"FREEZE!" Jarek felt a gun being pointed to the back of head.

"Sonya Blade," said Jarek, coldly, "We meet again..."

"Stop trying to act all cool and sinister," said Sonya, "I know that deep down inside, you're shitting bricks."

"Not bricks," said Jarek, "Please! Please, don't arrest me! You don't know what I've been through! Come on, we're in another realm and I say we should make a fresh start and go our separate ways!"

"I don't think so," said Sonya. She then kicked Jarek in the stomach.

"OW!" said Jarek, "What was that for?"

"For being the first criminal to successfully evade the Special Forces since Kano!" replied Sonya, "And for thinking that goatee actually looks good on you!"

"How did you even get here?" asked Jarek, kneeling on the floor.

"Me and my allies are here to battle Shinnok and free Edenia from its control. Now, come with me!"

Just then, a swarm of soldiers arrived and surrounded them.

"What now?" asked Jarek.

Their leader, a black-clad ninja, stepped out.

"My name is Noob Saibot and I am here..."

"NOOB?" said Sonya, "You're name is Noob? You're fucking kidding me!" Sonya and Jarek laughed uncontrollably for several minutes.

"Yes, yes," said Noob, "Get it out of your system. Now, by the orders of Lord Shinnok, you two are gonna have to come with us."

"Wait," said Sonya, "We're not done laughing."

Jarek and Sonya laughed some more.

"Okay, okay," said Sonya, "You were saying?"

"We're taking you to our little 'base' in the Edenian valley, where we will interrogate you to learn about the others' location!"

"But but but..." said Jarek, "I'm not even one of the good guys!"

"I don't care," said Noob, "I'm taking you to the valley and I'm gonna get all the info. I need from you, or my name isn't Noob Saibot!"

Sonya and Jarek began laughing again.

"Just knock them out," said Noob to one of his soldiers, "And drag their bodies to the damn location."

* * *

Quan Chi awoke in the middle of the night in his small bedroom in the palace. He looked around and slowly after hearing a strange noise.

"Sektor, is that you?" asked Chi, "Man, I had the weirdest dream. I dreamt I was eating a giant pillow, and when I woke up, my marshmallow was gone."

But the room was silent.

"Um," said Chi, "Yeah. I keep a stash of marshmallows under my bed in case I get hu..."

His window suddenly broke and a figure flew into the room.

"Sub-Zero?" said Chi, "What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to finish you off," replied Subby, "Prepare to die!"

"Oh yeah?" said Chi, "Well, wait until my bodyguard gets here! Oh, Sektor..."

Nothing.

"Sektor," repeated Chi, "SEKTOR GET IN HERE!"

"Your little buddy ain't coming!" said Subby, "It's just you and me!"

Sub-Zero pulled out his kori blade and swung it at Chi, who ran frantically around the room, dodging the blows. He quickly fired a green skull in retaliation. Sub-Zero blocked it with his sword.

"You're gonna have to do better that that!" said Subby.

Sub-Zero charged at Quan Chi again, and this time, Chi picked up a chair to block the ice ninja's blows. Within seconds, the chair was reduced to a pile of splinters. Sub-Zero then kicked Quan Chi to the floor. Chi landed next to the pile of glass shards from the window Sub-Zero broke. Sub-Zero raised his sword in the air. He was just about to bring it down on Quan Chi's head when Quan Chi grabbed a handful of the shards and whipped them into Sub-Zero's face.

"AH!" screamed Sub-Zero, holding his face.

Quan Chi ran towards the door and struggled with the knob, trying to open it.

"Piece of shit lock!" said Chi.

He got the door open just as Sub-Zero was about to slash him again. When Chi left the room, he saw Sektor standing in front of him.

"Do something, you idiot!" he ordered.

Sektor then fired a missile, which nearly hit Subby. The resulting explosion knocked the ninja to the floor.

"Ha!" said Chi, "You lose again!"

"Yes," said Subby, "But know this: Raiden and Fujin survived your little heavenly massacre and now they're leading the heroes from Earthrealm on a little invasion of their own. You'll see, I'll be back soon...With my friends! And we're gonna take you all out and send you back to your filthy homes in Hell!"

"Not if I can help it," said Chi, "Sektor!"

Sektor fired another missile. Sub-Zero quickly dodged it and jumped out the window to safety.

"Damn it," said Chi, "This ain't good."

"Sektor agrees," said Sektor, "This is bad!"

"By the way," said Chi, "Where in the fuck were you when I called? I was screaming for like five fucking minutes before you came!"

"Sektor apologizes," said Sektor, "His brain capacity is a little slower after hours and..."

"But nothing," said Chi, "You've done nothing but bug me since I hired you, you can't accomplish any task I give you, and that speaking in third person thing is starting to piss me off! You're fired!"

"Yessir," said Sektor.

"You're not sad or angry or anything?"

"Sektor does not have any emotions, remember?"

"Right..."

"It was a pleasure working for Quan Chi. Sektor will see you in the near future, perhaps. Goodbye."

Sektor then walked out of the palace.

"Idiot..." muttered Chi.


	10. Chapter 9

**Mortal Kombat 4: Mayhem!**

**Chapter 9:**

The following morning, Shinnok held a meeting in the main room of the palace, where all the members of the Brotherhood stood.

"So," said Baraka, "What's this meeting all about?"

"I don't know," replied Mileena, "But, I think the Earthrealm heroes are onto us."

"By the way, how did it go with Kitana?"

"Oh, I went to her cell earlier and we spoke a bit. I dropped the key by her cell where she'll find it. She will be out shortly and then we can finish our battle."

"Perfect," said Baraka, "By the way, do you have any idea for what I should give as a 'thank you' gift to Shinnok, for, you know, removing my staples?"

"I don't know," said Mileena, "A fruit basket, or maybe a bottle of champagne. I'm sure he'll like that."

"Hey, lovebirds," said Tanya, approaching them, "Mind if I have a seat here next to you?"

"Idiot," said Baraka, "We're standing."

"It's an expression, numbnuts," said Tanya.

"Please," said Mileena, "Don't start you two!"

Before Tanya could answer back, Shinnok and Quan Chi entered the room and began to speak.

"Now," said Shinnok, "As you may already know, the heroes from Earthrealm are arriving in Edenia. My accomplice, Noob Saibot, was able to track down two of them and bring them to a secret place to be interrogated. Meanwhile, I ask that the rest of you remain on high alert!"

"By the way," said Shinnok, turning his head towards Quan Chi, "Where's your little red robot buddy?"

"I fired him," replied Chi, "He was useless."

"Too bad," Shinnok turned back to the audience, "Now, with Noob gone, I need someone who will lead my troops in a pre-emptive strike against the heroes."

"OH! OH!" shouted Reptile, with his arm up in the air, "ME! Pick me!"

"Alright," said Shinnok, "Lizard-guy, or whatever his name is, gets to go."

"YAAAA!" shouted Reptile.

"If you must," said Shinnok, "Kill them all. But there is one I want to see alive."

"Who might that be, sir?" asked Chi.

"The champion of Mortal Kombat, Liu Kang. He must be separated by the heroes and brought to me."

"My time to shine," said Tanya, "Very few people know by now that I work for you. I'll lead him straight to you. After all, I'm good at betraying people!"

"Yes," said Shinnok, "We've all seen your wonderful betrayal abilities. Now, does everyone understand what they must do?"

Everyone nodded.

"Good," said Shinnok, "Now, let's move onto our next topic: Has anyone seen the remote? I was in my room last night checking out the new _Terminator _show and it was right next to me, and then it was gone! If someone stole it, then this is not funny, and tonight I need to tape this show for my buddy and..."

"Sir," whispered Quan Chi to Shinnok, "Have you checked in the bathroom?"

"The bathroom?" said Shinnok, "Of course! Meeting adjourned!"

Shinnok ran out of the room.

As everyone scattered, Quan Chi approached Reptile.

"Listen," said Chi, "This is a big job you've been given, so don't fuck it up, you hear me?"

"Not to worry, ssssssir," said Reptile, "You can count on me! I am a highly skilled fighter!"

"Really?"

**-Flashback-**

_DING! DING! DING!_

The bell went off as round two came to an end. The two fighters moved to their respective corners. One was a huge muscular man on steroids, while the other was Reptile.

"What'sa matter wit ya?" asked Reptile's ringside coach, "Yer takin' a beatin' out dere!"

"Ssssssorry, bossss," said Reptile, "He'sssss too tough for me!"

"That ain't true," said the coach, "You gots ta believe in yerself! Focus, man!"

"Yessssss!"

Reptile then stood up as the bell rang.

"And remember," said the coach, "Yer acid spit!"

"Right!"

The two fighters moved up to each other. The big man delivered two punches to Reptile's face, sending green blood flying across the ring in slow motion. Reptile, still in slow motion, attempted to punch the big guy, but he dodged it and punched back, knocking Reptile to the floor.

"Reptile, ya idiot!" snapped his coach, "Stop movin' so slowly and kick his ass!"

Reptile stood up and began punching the big man multiple times, causing him to drop to his knees. Reptile then spat green acid all over his face, turning his head into a bloody, skinless skull. Reptile then lashed out his tongue and ate the skull. Everyone in the audience cheered loudly as Reptile raised his arms in victory.

"Reptile?" said a girl, who just ran into the stadium.

"Adrien?" said Reptile, "ADRIEN!"

"Reptile!"

"Adrien!"

The girl ran up to the ring as Reptile jumped down. As he did so, he lashed his tongue out at her and ate her head off.

"Mmmmm," said Reptile, rubbing his tummy, "Desssssert!"

**-End Flashback-**

"The fuck is wrong with you?" said Quan Chi.

"What?" asked Reptile.

"You always do this! You always pretend to be some action movie hero to impress everybody! Don't you realize that your story is from _Rocky_?"

"No! That'sssss not true!"

"You're right," said Chi, "Only part of it was _Rocky_. The rest you made up!"

"I didn't make it up, and I've never even sssseen _Rocky_!"

"Right...Listen, I gotta go outside. Snap back to reality and get to work!"

As Quan Chi stepped outside, he heard someone approach behind him. He quickly turned around.

"Who are you?" demanded Chi.

"Word up, homes," said the man, "It's Scorpizzle to the nizzle at yo service!"

"Excuse me?"

"A'ight, a'ight," said the man, "I'm da head gangsta in da house, Hanzo Hasashi, the straight up G, ready to kick some ass!"

"Why are you talking like that?" asked Chi.

"I don't know," replied Scorpion, "My friends in the Netherrealm told me that I was pretty bland, you know, because I'm so serious all the time. So, I thought I'd spice things up. You know, show off my 'hip' side."

"Yes, well you sound like a complete idiot. Now, what do you want from me?"

"I came looking for the killer of my family and clan," said Scorpion, "My sources informed me that he is hiding out in this realm."

"Well," said Chi, "Don't waste your time, homie, because..."

Quan Chi suddenly got a brilliant idea.

"Because what?" asked Scorpion.

"Nothing," replied Chi, "By 'retribution' are you referring to murder?"

"Yes."

"Excellent," said Chi, "I mean, nevermind. Listen, have you met Kuai Liang, the brother of your murderer?"

"Yes, but he..."

"It's all lies! He keeps popping up around my place to harass me! Do you what he said to me the last time he showed up?"

"What?"

"He told me how he enjoyed killing your family."

"Did he now?"

"Yeah, he was all like:_ Ha! Ha! It was fun killing Scorpion's wife and child and when I was finished, I rolled around in their guts and I raped his wife many times and..._ (Gee, what else did I do to them when I killed them?...) Oh yeah! _And then I dumped their bodies in the garbage, where they belonged_!"

"That sick, twisted, son of a bitch!" snapped Scorpion, "I will destroy him!"

"Well, today is your lucky day," said Chi, "Because all you have to do is hang out in the palace, and I will personally invite the younger Sub-Zero over there. Then, you can have your retribution!"

"And when he comes, I will gouge his eyes out, then I'll rip out his heart and shove it down his throat!"

"Easy there, champ. There'll be plenty of time for that later. For now, let's head inside and have a snack."

"I don't need to eat! I'm a spectre. But I do enjoy the taste of _Doritos_. Do you have any?"

"Well, there are several bags of _Nuclear Doritos_, whatever they are. I've never tried them before..."

* * *

"I'll ask you again," said Noob, "Where are the rest of your buddies?"

"Up your ass!" answered Sonya.

Noob then smacked her.

"Jarek?" said Noob.

"I don't know," replied Jarek, "I told you, I'm not with them!"

"Good one," said Noob.

He then stomped on Jarek's foot.

"OW!"

In a small, dimly-lit room, Jarek and Sonya sat on chairs, back to back, with their hands tied up together behind the chairs.

"How's it going?" said a random guard who entered the room.

"Terrible," said Noob, "We're going nowhere with these two!"

"So," began Jarek, "You'll set us free?"

"NO! Fuck you!" Noob then stomped on Jarek's other foot.

"OW!"

"We may have to resort to drastic measures," suggested the guard.

"I know," said Noob, "Where's the drill?"

Sonya and Jarek gasped.

"We stopped using the drill long after Joey accidentally gave himself a second belly-button," said the guard.

"Right, right," said Noob, "The saw?"

Sonya and Jarek gasped even louder.

"I thought we lost it," said the guard.

"We sure did," said Noob, "What to do? What to do? Ah! I got it! Where is Meat?"

A few minutes later, a bloody skeleton walked into the room. He stared straight at Sonya and Jarek.

"Ummmm..." said Sonya, "Hello?"

"This is Meat," said Noob, "He's gonna sing a song for you!"

Noob and the guard then walked out of the room. Meat began to sing _Chocolate Rain_ in his deepest possible voice

The singing was so horrifying that Sonya and Jarek cringed in agony.


	11. Chapter 10

**Mortal Kombat 4: Mayhem!**

**Chapter 10:**

Mileena and Baraka walked upstairs the palace into the small bedroom.

"Are you sure you wanna do this?" asked Baraka.

"It's about time we did it," said Mileena, "I can't go on any longer without sex with you!"

"Okay then," said Baraka, entering the room, "I just hope this sex scene turns out better than the one from _Link of the Dead!_"

"I know," said Mileena, following Baraka into the bedroom.

"Yeah," said Baraka, "The things we're gonna do...It's gonna be sweet!"

"Easy there, champ," said Mileena, "Remember, this is an M-Rated story!"

"Yeah, yeah," said Baraka, "Now, off with the clothes!"

Baraka and Mileena removed each other's clothes and jumped into the large bed. Within seconds, they were rolling around in the sheets.

"Oh, Baraka!" said Mileena, "You're amazing!"

"Aren't I?" said Baraka.

Just then, the door burst open and Sektor stood at the entrance.

"EEEEEEK!" screamed Mileena, "What the fuck are you doing here?"

"Beep!" said Sektor, "Sektor apologizes for his intrudence!"

"Get the fuck outta here, you red piece of shit!" said Baraka, "Can't you see were getting it on in here? Besides, didn't Quan Chi fire you last night?"

"Sektor got lost searching for the exit," replied Sektor, "Sektor will leave now."

"Wait," said Mileena, sitting up and covering her naughty bits with the bed sheet, "Aren't you sad or anything that Quan Chi fired you?"

"No," said Sektor, "Sektor is an automated cyborg programmed by the Lin-Kuei. Sektor does not have any emotions!"

Mileena shook her head.

"I feel so bad for you," she said, "There's so much that you can be, so much that you can do, and you choose to spend the rest of your life as an emotionless machine?"

"Sektor does not care. Sektor will continue to exist as a cyborg and obey the orders of his clan for all his life!"

"Don't you miss being human? Don't you miss being able to watch sad movies and cry? Don't you miss just getting angry and feeling like you wanna blow up the earth?"

Sektor then removed his helmet, revealing the face of a handsome, young Asian man. A few tears fell from his eyes (Well, the eye that wasn't covered by a scanner).

"You're right," said Sektor, abandoning his third person speech, "Every night I think about the days when I used to be free..."

"Yeah," said Mileena, "Plus those bastards at the Lin Kuei probably forgot you even exist! You should totally go out there, be free, live your life the way _you_ want! Chase your dreams!"

"Fuck yeah!" shouted Sektor, "I'm getting outta here and doing what I want from now on! Thanks guys! See ya!"

Sektor then ran out of the room.

"Sniff," said Baraka, wiping a tear from his eye, "That was beautiful."

"Only a woman's touch can change an evil, emotionless cyborg into a sweet, happy human," said Mileena.

"Well, at least you got rid of him. But, I swear to God, if he decides to form an army of evil cyborgs and try to take over the world, then I'm totally blaming it on you!"

"Yeah, yeah," said Mileena, "Now, where were we?"

The two disappeared under the bed sheets.

* * *

With nothing much to do around the palace, Tanya headed outside for a walk. It was then she ran into Liu Kang.

"Are you the ambassador's daughter, Tanya?" asked Liu, as he approached Tanya.

"Yeah," replied Tanya, "Why?"

"You gotta help me!" said Liu, "My allies and I were travelling through the city when we were suddenly attacked by a swarm of soldiers working for Shinnok! I was separated from my friends and it is too dangerous for me to look for them!"

"Right," said Tanya, "Well, you're in luck, because Raiden came up to me earlier and spoke of the incident!"

"Really?"

"Yeah, he's waiting at the palace with the others. You must come with me to see them!"

"Yes! Thank you, Tanya."

Tanya then lead Liu to the palace.

"Before we enter," said Tanya, "I just have to make a call..."

"Okay."

Tanya moved aside and pulled out a cell phone.

"Shinnok?" said Tanya, "Yeah...It's me...Guess who's with me..."

* * *

Back in the small room, Jarek and Sonya remained tied to the chairs. Meat, who had just finished singing in his horrible voice, was in the bathroom, gargling, as he prepared for a little "Encore."

"This is it," said Sonya, "I think I'm gonna crack! I can't take the singing anymore!"

Jarek meanwhile, was going crazy and began to hallucinate.

"We're fucked!" said Jarek, "Either I'm gonna die, or I'm gonna totally lose it! I shouldn't have come here! I shouldn't even have busted out of prison! I shouldn't..."

"Get a hold yourself, mate!" said a voice.

"Kano?" said Jarek.

Jarek looked up and saw a large holographic image of Kano's head hovering in front of him.

"That's right!" said Kano.

"It can't be," said Jarek, "You're dead!"

"That's not the point right now," said Kano, "Listen, mate, you can't give up so easily! You've been through much worse!"

"But I can't take it anymore! I hate getting caught in these shitty situations! I hate being a Black Dragon!"

"Don't you ever fuckin' say that again, Jarry! You were me favourite apprentice! You worked hard, and overcame every challenge that was thrown at you! This is just another one of those challenges."

"I guess you're right..."

"Of course I'm right, Jarry! We all overcame adversity to get where we are today. Look at me, I used to be a little orphan boy living in Japan! Then, somewhere along the way, I somehow became an Australian! The point is, you are a Black Dragon...The LAST Black Dragon, and if you fail now, our entire organization will disappear completely. You don't wanna let us all down, do you?"

"Of course not!"

"Then, get off your arse and defeat those chumps! Prove that the Black Dragon is superior to everyone!"

"YEAH!" screamed Jarek.

"That's me boy," said Kano, "Now, I must be heading off..."

"Just one thing before you go, Kano," said Jarek, "What's it like being dead?"

"It's fucking ace!" said Kano, "I can scare the living shit outta random people and spy on the ladies in locker rooms, Hehehe..."

"Sweet! I'm excited to join you, sir!"

Kano's head winked and then disappeared.

"Jarek!" yelled Sonya, "JAREK! Wake up!"

"What?" shouted Jarek, "The hell do you want, bitch?"

"The rope around our hands is starting to loosen up. I need you to move your hands around a bit so that we can be free."

"Like this?" said Jarek, moving his hands around.

"Yes," replied Sonya.

Within a few seconds, their hands were free and the two stood up.

"We better get outta here!" suggested Sonya.

Just then, Meat re-entered.

"La la la," sang Meat, "Hey! What the bloody hell is..."

Sonya then Karate-chopped Meat's neck, causing his skull to tumble off.

"Nyah, nyah," said Jarek, picking up the skull, "You suck!"

"I say," said Meat's skull, "Put me down now, you big brute!"

"AAAAAHHH!" screamed Jarek, "He's still alive!"

Jarek then tossed the skull out the window.

"You idiot!" snapped Sonya, "Great way to attract attention!"

"Sorry," said Jarek.

"What the fuck is going on here?" asked two guards who had just entered the room.

Sonya and Jarek worked together to fight off the guards. Sonya snapped one guy's neck as Jarek rammed the other guy's head into the wall.

"We better get going," said Sonya, "We have to find a way to get out of this place and find the others so we can take out Shinnok and his army!"

"Right," said Jarek, "Let's do this...FOR KANO! I LOVE YA MAN!"

Sonya gave Jarek a weird look before following him out of the room. Meanwhile, the headless Meat stumbled around the room, searching for his missing head.


	12. Chapter 11

**Mortal Kombat 4: Mayhem!**

**Chapter 11:**

Reptile and Quan Chi walked through the dungeons of the Palace and discussed.

"Sssssso," said Reptile, "How did I do? Impresssssive, no?"

"Yes, yes," said Chi, "Thanks to your efforts, the heroes have backed off for now, and Liu, who is now separated, is currently being lead into Shinnok's trap!"

"And you though I wassss gonna fail! Now, I wish to return in time to my homeworld before it wassss destroyed at the handssss of Shao Kahn!"

"Oh, right," said Chi, "Your reward...Yeah, listen, that's not gonna happen!"

"WHAT?"

"Shinnok is a very busy man and he doesn't have time to deal with bullshit like yours. If you want, I can give you some cash, or maybe a gift certificate..."

"NO! I want to go back in time! I demand that Shinnok be brought here!"

"How about I call in Shinnok and he blows your head off?"

Reptile backed off.

"Fine," said Reptile, "If my work issss sssso underappreciated, then maybe I'll jusssst quit!"

"Fine," said Chi, "Go ahead. We don't need you anymore."

"Basssstard!" snapped Reptile, before walking off.

"It was nice having you," said Chi.

Reptile flipped the sorcerer off and Chi simply laughed. Just then, Chi heard a noise. When he turned around, he saw his old "friend" approaching him.

"Sub-Zero..." muttered Chi.

"Looks like Ol' Ketchup isn't around to save you this time," said Subby, "Then again, neither was he last time."

"Ha ha," said Chi, "Very funny. But I'll have you know I found someone else. Someone you may like very much."

The sorcerer then snapped his fingers. The yellow-clad ninja suddenly appeared before Sub-Zero.

"Scorpion?" said Subby.

"That's right, foo!" said Scorpion, "Ima kick yo ass for messin' wit family and clan, ya feel me?"

"Scorpion," said Chi, "You're doing it again..."

"Sorry," said Scorpion.

"Wait," said Subby, "You think _I _killed your family and clan? Are you insane? I thought we were friends!"

"Scorpion has no friends!" snapped Scorpion, "Now, let's get this over with!"

The two ninjas got into a fighting stance.

* * *

Shinnok sat in his sauna working up a great sweat. That was odd, since the heater in the sauna was turned off...

"Sir," said a guard as he entered the room, "There's a big problem! It's the heroes!"

"What heroes?" said Shinnok, "I thought they retreated after Reptile launched an attack on them!"

"They did sir," said the guard, "But now, they're receiving help from somebody else!"

"Who?"

"Kitana! Not only did she escape from prison, but she managed to free many of the servants we tossed in the dungeons."

"WHAT?"

"It gets worse, sir! The Edenian soldiers have formed an alliance with the Shokan army...And they're beginning their attack on the palace as we speak!"

"This can't be! Why am I always so oblivious to these things?"

"Well, sir, didn't you get Tanya's voicemail?"

Shinnok nodded.

"What about the comment she left you on _Facebook_?

Shinnok nodded.

"Well, sir, I think you've been spending way too much time in this sauna, because there is a lot going on that you don't know about!"

"You're right," said Shinnok, standing up, "I have things to do, people to boss around! In fact, I have to head down to the basement to face Liu Kang!"

"Yes," said the guard, "But sir, I suggest you put a shirt on first; you look like a malnutrioned goose."

Shinnok stared at his nude body, which was covered only by a towel, and turned red.

"Yes," said Shinnok, "I best be off! Is Noob back yet?"

"No, sir, but I can call him for you!"

"Ok, but meanwhile, get that crazy guy, Maraka, to lead my armies against the heroes!"

* * *

Baraka, now chosen to lead Shinnok's armies, went to meet Mileena outside for a romantic goodbye.

"I can't believe this is happening," said Mileena, "I mean one minute, we were upstairs, having sex for the first time, the next, you're called in to fight the heroes."

"I know," said Baraka, "I wish things could've gone differently."

"It's all my fault," said Mileena, crying, "I shouldn't have given Kitana the key. Because of me, she's freed everyone in the palace, and now their forming a rebellion!"

"You did the right thing," said Baraka, "You wanted to prove your superiority the bitch who killed you and you got your fight. I wanted to kill a bunch of Edenians, I got my wish!"

Mileena chuckled.

"There's a smile," said Baraka.

"Good luck," said Mileena, "I wish I could fight alongside of you, but that sexist bastard Shinnok wouldn't want."

"It's alright," said Baraka, "It's better this way. And if I survive this, we'll carry out our plan once and for all, got it?"

Mileena nodded. The two then shared a long kiss before Baraka ran off. A tear fell from Mileena's eye as Baraka joined up with the other soldiers.


	13. Chapter 12

**Mortal Kombat 4: Mayhem!**

**Chapter 12:**

Sonya and Jarek ran through the hallways of the building, searching for the exit.

"Damnit," said Jarek, "I can't believe we're lost!"

"Well," said Sonya, "We were right on track until you decided to go the bathroom!"

"I had to take a huge dump! I haven't gone in like, three days!"

"Yeah, that's another thing...Leaving a stench like that is not a great way of covering our tracks!"

"Come on, let's just go!"

Jarek and Sonya slowly moved their way past a small room where two guards stood.

"Dude," said the first guard, "I was playing _Guitar Hero _last night and I totally beat my high score!"

"_Guitar Hero _sucks!" said the other guard, "I'm more excited for _Cowbell Hero_! When that comes out, I'll be the first in line for it!"

"Dude, you're gonna be the _only _one in line for it!"

The two guards left the room. Sonya and Jarek immediately jumped them and killed them.

"Great," said Sonya, "Let's take their weapons!"

"Sweet," said Jarek, "I've never used a spear before!"

"That's why," began Sonya, "I'm taking it!"

"Awwww," said Jarek, giving up the spear, "I'll just use this sword."

Now armed, the two continued through the maze of hallways, quietly taking out any guard that came in their path. The exit was just ahead.

"Perfect," said Sonya, "We're almost..."

"Not so fast!" said Noob.

The two turned around and saw the black-clad ninja pointing a shotgun at them.

"What made you think you were getting away from here?" said Noob.

"Get the fuck outta our way!" demanded Jarek.

"Ahem," said Noob, "The exit is behind you, idiot, so I'm technically not in your way!"

"Well," said Jarek, "Um...yeah. You got us there!"

"I'm gonna ask one last time," said Noob, "Where are the others?"

Just then, Meat's headless body stumbled into the hallway and bumped into the wraith.

"The fuck is this?" yelled Noob.

As Noob struggled with the body, Sonya swung her spear, whacking Noob on the head, and knocking him out. Sonya and Jarek headed for the exit.

"We did it!" said Sonya, "We made it!"

"But we're in the middle of nowhere!" said Jarek, "We have to find some way back to the city!"

"Don't worry, we'll...Uh-Oh!"

A swarm of soldiers ran towards the two.

"I hope to God you're ready to take on these guys!" said Sonya.

"I'm not," said Jarek, "But I don't really have a choice!"

Jarek and Sonya readied their weapons as the soldiers approached them. Jarek swung his sword, decapitating one soldier. Sonya thrust her spear, impaling three guys in a row.

Another soldier, holding an enormous sword, ran towards Jarek. As he swung it, Jarek threw himself to the floor to dodge it. The soldier then swung vertically, forcing Jarek to roll sideways. Another soldier came and attempted to impale Jarek while on the floor, but Jarek blocked and successfully stood up. The two soldiers both tried to stab him at the same time. Jarek made a desperate dive out of the way, causing the two soldiers to impale each other. Jarek then went to kill another guy.

After swinging it around a bit, Sonya's spear eventually snapped in two.

"You're fucked now, little lady," said a soldier.

Sonya then plunged the broken tip into his neck. She took the other half and shoved it into another man's chest before taking his sword and killing more people with it.

"It's no good!" said Jarek, "There's too many!"

"We better back off!" said Sonya.

The two began to run back. Sonya pulled out her handgun and began firing at the crowd, killing a few soldiers, before running out of ammo.

"That didn't do much good," said Jarek, "AAAAHHH!"

Jarek looked down and saw Meat's skull biting his leg.

"Dear me," said Meat, "Your leg is positively scrumptious!"

"GET THIS CREEPY FUCKER OFF OF ME!" screamed Jarek.

Sonya bent down and grabbed Meat.

"Leave us alone, you freak!" said Sonya.

"That wasn't very nice," said Meat, "I am very self-conscious about my obvious lack of skin!"

"Fuck you!" said Jarek, who then grabbed the skull and threw it to the floor and stepped on it, shattering it.

"That's great," said Sonya, "But we still have an oncoming swarm of soldiers, no ammunition, and nowhere to run!"

"We're doomed," muttered Jarek.

"HALT!" ordered Noob. Everyone stopped. "I've just received word from Shinnok that their is a war going on back at the palace! I order you to all go there and aid our men. I will stay here and finish these guys off!"

The soldiers all left. It was just Sonya, Jarek and Noob.

"Now, what?" asked Jarek.

"I could try seducing him or something," whispered Sonya, "It's worked before..."

"I don't think it's gonna work this time," said Jarek, "I'm pretty sure he's gay!"

"Enough chatter!" shouted Noob, "Time to finish you off!"

Noob then transformed into a large dragon-like being.

"Well," said Sonya, "This makes no sense!"

The large dragon beast let out a huge roar.

"Come on," said Jarek, "We better get outta here! FAST!"

Jarek and Sonya ran for their lives across the large Edenian valley before arriving at the edge of a large cliff.

"A dead end!" said Jarek, "We're done for!"

"Watch out!" said Sonya.

The Noob-Dragon ran towards the two and slashed his claw, nearly striking Sonya and Jarek. He then lifted his head in the air and brought it down, attempting to eat the two. However, they jumped out of the way, causing him to grab a large chunk of grass instead.

"How are we gonna fight this thing?" asked Sonya.

"Think, Jarek, think!" said Jarek, "Oh, Kano! I could sure use your help right now!"

"Remember, mate," said Kano, who suddenly appeared before Jarek, "Use the force!"

"Kano?" said Jarek, "What's with the cloak? And the hood?"

"I just came back from a costume party," said Kano, "Listen, you can't back down now!"

"But what do I do?"

"Remember that move I taught you?"

"But you couldn't even do that move yourself!"

"But I'm positive you can! Just believe in yourself!"

Kano then faded away. The dragon then fired a large fireball that Sonya and Jarek immediately dodged.

"Who in the fuck were you talking to?" asked Sonya.

"No one," said Jarek, "Listen, I'm gonna distract this thing, while you attack it head-on, got it?"

"Jarek, that's..."

Before Sonya could convince Jarek not to do it, Jarek ran off, distracting the dragon. He immediately swung his large claw, and Jarek was forced to duck to avoid it.

"Nyah nyah!" said Jarek, "Missed me! Come and get me, you big fat homosexual bastard!"

The dragon let out an angry roar before turning to face Jarek. He tried to swipe Jarek a few more times, but the Black Dragon was too fast. Frustrated, Noob opened his large mouth and fired an enormous flamethrower at Jarek. Jarek pulled out his sword and began to spin it very fast, like a helicopter blade, deflecting the fiery beam that came his way.

"NOW!" shouted Jarek, "Now's your chance!"

Sonya ran up to the large dragon and pulled a small knife from a holster in her leg. She immediately stabbed the dragon in its knee. The dragon howled in pain before shrinking back into Noob Saibot.

"OW!" screamed Noob, as tears welled up in his eyes, "The fuck is wrong with you?"

"You were trying to kill us!" said Sonya.

"But you stabbed me in the knee!" said Noob, "That really hurt! WAAAAAHHHH!"

Noob then ran away, crying.

"WOOT!" screamed Sonya, "We did it! Great job, Jarek!"

"It was no problem," said Jarek, "That guy was a real _Noob _anyways! Ha!"

The two then shared a laugh.

"Come on, Jarek," said Sonya, "We better head to town and meet up with the others. I'll call Jax on the walkie..."

"I don't think so," said Jarek, pointing his sword at Sonya's head, "You don't think I'm gonna let you go that easily do you?"

"After all that we've been through," began Sonya, "You still wanna be enemies?"

"I'm a Black Dragon," said Jarek, "We're all about deceit and betrayal. I must do what Kano wants. I must prove that the Black Dragon is superior to everyone and everything. I will end our little war once and for all, and then I will return to Earthrealm and reform my organization! Ha! Ha! Ha!"

"Not if I kill you first!" said Sonya.

She then kicked the sword out of Jarek's hands. Jarek charged at her and they began to fight hand-to-hand. Jarek delivered a high kick that Sonya ducked under, while Sonya punched Jarek in the stomach, knocking him back. The two then jumped into the air and both delivered high kicks that knocked each other aside.

"Oh," said Jarek, "You'll pay for that!"

Jarek charged at Sonya again, this time, picking her up and getting ready to perform a judo-throw on her. Sonya, however, merely countered the move by wrapping her legs around Jarek's head and slamming him to the floor. She squeezed her legs hard around Jarek's neck, strangling him.

"Let's see you deceive your way outta this one," said Sonya.

Jarek then bit down into Sonya's leg, forcing her to release her grip. The two immediately stood up again and ran towards each other, delivering a fury of punches and kicks that they each blocked.

"You're good," said Sonya, backing off. She realized that she was right at the edge of the cliff.

"Same," said Jarek, also backing off, "But you are no match for my ultra-deadly laser-eyes! NGGGGGHHHH!"

Jarek then stared at Sonya and began to force. She could see the veins in his head swelling and his face turning red.

"Um," said Sonya, "What are you doing?"

"I'm trying to shoot laser eyes at you, what does it look like?"

"You can't shoot laser eyes..."

"Oh, it's true! I can't! What possessed me into thinking I could?"

"Beats the hell outta me. Now, let's continue our fight."

"Sure," said Jarek, reaching into his back pocket, "Just let me get one thing..."

Jarek then held up a small knife.

"HEY!" said Sonya, "That's not fair! I'm unarmed!"

"Well," said Jarek, "Then it's my lucky day..."

Jarek then charged at Sonya. Sonya jumped out of the way at the last second, causing Jarek to fall off the edge of the cliff.

"Phew," said Sonya, "It's over..."

She then pulled out her radio.

"Major Briggs?" said Sonya, "Come in Major Briggs! This is Lieutenant Sonya Blade..."

Sonya suddenly felt something tugging onto her leg. Before she could figure out what it was, it pulled her down the cliff. Jarek quickly climbed up.

"I managed to grab onto the edge," said Jarek, "Too bad you didn't notice."

Jarek then stomped on the fallen radio, destroying it. He approached the edge of the cliff from where Sonya was hanging on for her dear life.

"Time to die," said Jarek.

He then raised his foot in the air and prepared to stomp on Sonya's hand, but before he could do so, someone grabbed him.

"What the..."

"Remember me, foo?" said Jax.

"But...How...Where..."

"I knew Sonya was in trouble, so I came lookin' for her. Looks like I got here right on time..."

Jax then lifted Jarek over his head.

"Hey!" shouted Jarek, "What are you doing? This is police brutality! Put me down! Put me..."

"Brutality?" said Jax, "This a fatality, mothafucka!"

Jax threw the Black Dragon off the cliff and watched as he tumbled to his death. Jax then helped Sonya climb up and the two headed into the town to fight the battle against Shinnok.


	14. Chapter 13

**Mortal Kombat 4: Mayhem!**

**Chapter 13:**

Mileena, having searched the whole palace for Kitana, found her standing in the middle of the large, empty throne room.

"Well, well, well," said Kitana, "If it isn't my half-Tarkatan clone, Mileena. It was very foolish of you to drop the key near my cell like that. After I got free, I set all my friends and allies free as well. They are all out there, fighting the battle against Shinnok's troops!"

"Enough," said Mileena, "I came looking for you so we can settle our score. I will kill you as punishment for what you did to me, and when you're gone, I will take your throne and become queen!"

"Idiot!" snapped Kitana, "Don't you realize that even if I'm dead, no one will ever give you my throne?"

"Fine," said Mileena, "If I can't have the throne, then no one can!"

Mileena then pulled out her sais and charged towards Kitana. Kitana defended herself by pulling out her steel fans and blocking the oncoming blow. Mileena attempted to stab Kitana many times, but Kitana quickly deflected each shot. Kitana swiped her steel fan, and Mileena jumped over Kitana's head to avoid it. Mileena was about to stab Kitana from behind when Kitana suddenly delivered a kick to Mileena's face. She then successfully knocked the sais out of her hands.

"You bitch," muttered Mileena.

Kitana tossed her fans away, opting for a fair fight. The two girls raised their fists and ran towards each other, delivering punch after kick after punch. Kitana jumped into the air delivered two pretty kicks to Mileena, and this time, Mileena did not dodge them. As she staggered backwards, Kitana dropped to the floor and did a roundhouse kick that knocked Mileena to the floor. Kitana then wrapped her arms around Mileena and attempted to subdue her.

"Get off me, you slut!" shouted Mileena.

She then pushed Kitana off of her before turning around delivering a violent uppercut that sent Kitana flying across the room and onto her throne.

"Damn," said Kitana, "Wiping the blood from her mouth. I didn't know you had so much power in you!"

Mileena ran to where her sai fell and picked them up before stepping in the middle of the throne room.

"Now, where was I before you rudely beat the shit outta me?" said Mileena, "Oh, right! I was gonna kill you! Once you're gone, Baraka and I will flee this place and start a wonderful life together. "

"You'll never get away with this!" snapped Kitana.

"Too late," said Mileena, "I guess I've proven just who is superior in _Mortal Kombat!_"

"Idiot," said Kitana, "There is only one way to win in _Mortal Kombat_...BUTTON MASHING!"

Kitana raised her fist in the air and slammed it down onto the armrest of her throne, which conveniently held a large button. As she pressed this button, a trap door beneath Mileena opened up.

"AAAAAAHHHHHH!" screamed Mileena, as she disappeared into the darkness, "YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS!"

Kitana approached the hole and stared into it.

"For your crimes against Edenia," began Kitana, "You will spend the rest of your days in Edenia state prison!"

The trap door then closed. Kitana ran outside.

* * *

**"**...Guitar, piano, trumpet, kazoo, drums, congas, bass, violin, saxophone, bassoon, mandolin, cello, accordion, and harp, but I'm not that good yet," said Tanya.

"Wow," said Liu Kang, "You can play all those instruments?"

"Well," said Tanya, "When you have a life-span of like, a million years, you tend to find time to learn a lot of things."

"True," said Liu Kang.

Tanya lead Liu through a long, dark cave underneath the palace.

"Um," began Liu, "Where exactly are you taking me? I mean, I doubt my friends would be down here..."

"They're hiding, you fool," said Tanya, "Don't worry, though. Once you meet up with them, we can go and take out Shinnok."

"By the way, what's all that noise outside? It sounds like there's a war going on."

"War? Nah, it's just...it's just...um, construction! Yeah, they're building a _Taco Bell _across the street. I'm so excited for it!"

The long path eventually ended and Tanya and Liu found themselves in a small, circular room.

"This isn't right," said Liu.

All of a sudden, there was an explosion of green smoke, and the Fallen Elder God, Shinnok, appeared before Liu.

"Hello, Liu Kang," said Shinnok, "I've been expecting you!"

"What the..."

Tanya then laughed.

"You're so gullible!" said Tanya, "I really don't know what Kitana saw in you. Can't you see? This is a trap!"

"I can't believe I was fooled by a woman dressed like a bumblebee!" said Liu.

"Hey!" said Tanya, I was on Edenia's best dressed list for two years in a row!"

"Leave now, Tanya!" said Shinnok, "Let Liu Kang and I have our battle in peace!"

Tanya then ran out of the room. Liu attempted to follow her, but a large steel door closed in front of him, locking him in with Shinnok.

"So," said Shinnok, "You are the champion of _Mortal Kombat_! I'm very excited to test out your skills!"

"You know," said Liu, "You really look like my tenth grade history teacher."

"Really?" said Shinnok, "Well, thanks, I guess."

"Actually, it wasn't a compliment. This teacher was a real bastard! He gave me a detention once for not wearing a shirt!"

"Well, you know, you really should consider wearng more clothing every now and then."

"I'm a frickin' Shaolin Monk! I do martial arts and shit! I get sweaty and stinky! You feelin' me here?"

"No," said Shinnok, "As a god, I do not stink and I haven't taken off my shirt in so long that my skin turned pure white...Like milk."

"From your mother's tits?"

"Yes, like milk from my mother's...DAMN YOU!"

Liu Kang burst out laughing.

"There's nothing funny about me killing you!" yelled Shinnok, "Now let's begin our battle."

"Hey," said Liu, "What's the name of your general again?"

"You mean Noob?"

Liu Kang starting laughing again.

"Aw," said Shinnok, "That is real mature!"

"Yeah, yeah," said Liu, calming down, "Okay. Now, let's fight!"

* * *

Back in the dungeons, Quan Chi watched as Sub-Zero and Scorpion duked it out. Scorpion delivered an uppercut to Sub-Zero that sent him flying. Sub-Zero immediately stood up and fired an icicle at Scorpion, which he blocked by shooting a fireball. Scorpion then fired his trademark spear at Sub-Zero.

"Get over here!" ordered Scorpion.

Sub-Zero, however, jumped over the spear and sliced it up with his kori blade.

"Damn!" said Scorpion.

"Too good for you?" said Subby.

"OH MY GOD!" yelled Scorpion, "Look over there! An oily fat chick in a thong is waving at you!"

"Where?" said Sub-Zero, turning his head.

Scorpion then shot a fireball at Sub-Zero, knocking the ice ninja down.

"Toasty!" yelled Quan Chi in a high-pitched voice.

"Damn you," said Subby, "You got me with my one and only weakness: Fat chicks!"

"Yeah," said Scorpion to Quan Chi, "He has a fat fetish, but it's supposed to be a secret. His brother had one too, but I think he went homosexual after descending into the Netherrealm. Oh, well."

"Whatever," said Quan Chi, "Just finish him off!"

Sub-Zero tried to stand up, but Scorpion kicked him down.

"Once I kill you," said Scorpion, "I will have avenged the deaths of my family clan. My soul will finally rest!"

"Your soul will never rest, Scorpion," said Subby, "My older brother may have been responsible for your murder, but your family and clan were killed by none other than him!" Subby pointed at Quan Chi.

"I don't believe you!" said Scorpion.

"Look," said Sub-Zero, sitting up and pulling out a laptop, "It clearly states on the _Mortal Kombat Wiki_ that Quan Chi is the murderer of your family. Besides, I couldn't have done it, because I was South America saving a rainforest.

Scorpion gave Sub-Zero a weird look.

"I used to be an environmental activist back in the day," said Subby, "Long story."

"If this is true," said Scorpion, "Then I wasted my time! I should be killing him!"

"True," said Chi, "But as long as I have the amulet, you can't hurt me! I shall now send you back to the Netherrealm and finish off Sub-Zero myself!"

Quan Chi pulled out his amulet and activated it. Scorpion began to fade away, one body part at a time.

"Damn it," said Scorpion.

Scorpion ran to Quan Chi with all his might as more body parts began to fade.

"Stupid amulet," said Quan Chi, "Can't it make people disappear faster?"

Eventually, there was just Scorpion's crotch left. The floating crotch made contact with Quan Chi, teleporting them both to the Netherrealm.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Quan Chi.

They were gone.

"Finally," said Sub-Zero, "I'm alone."

Sub-Zero then pulled out a bong.


	15. Chapter 14

**Mortal Kombat 4: Mayhem!**

**Chapter 14**

Outside, there was complete chaos. The streets of Capitol City once again became the battleground to a war between the good guys and the bad guys. The good guys consisted of the Earthrealm heroes, the Edenian soldiers, Kitana, Jade, Sindel, and Goro (with whom Kitana formed an alliance with), with his Shokan army. They ran through the streets, taking out the members of Shinnok's army. Baraka and a large set of troops stood in front of the palace staring at the mess.

"Aaaah," said Baraka, "The sounds of war and death. I used to jerk off to these sounds when I was young. Well, gentlemen, we are the last hope against the heroes! Are you ready?"

"Wait," said a random soldier, "Who the fuck are you anyways? We've been seeing you around but I mean..."

"My name is Baraka, okay?" said Baraka, "I'm the guy banging the hot chick with the veil."

"She's taken?" said another soldier, "Awwww..."

"Alright," said Baraka, "Now..."

"Wait!" said yet another soldier.

"What is it this time?" said an annoyed Baraka.

"You stabbed me in the leg earlier! I'm not letting you get away with that!"

Baraka then chopped his head off.

"Fuck it," said Baraka, "I'm going!"

Baraka charged into the chaos. The troops soon followed.

* * *

Meanwhile, in the distance, Tanya, having completed her mission, began to run away from the castle.

"Time to get the fuck outta here," laughed Tanya, "My work here is..."

"Oh no, you don't!" said a voice.

"Jade," said Tanya, "You just don't know when to quit, do you?"

"I will never let you get away with what you've done! You betrayed our entire realm! And you don't even care!"

"I care a little..."

"No you don't! Did you even know your own father was killed in the Brotherhood's raid?"

"Yeah, but I couldn't make the funeral. Traffic was a bitch!"

"Enough," said Jade, "This ends here!"

Jade pulled out a handgun and pointed it at Tanya.

"Woah," said Tanya, "You're not really gonna shoot me!"

"No," said Jade, "But I want you to dance, bitch!"

Jade then began to fire at the floor. Tanya skipped about frantically to avoid the shots.

"Ha, ha, ha!" laughed Jade, "This is hilarious!"

Tanya began river dancing to the tune of an Irish folk song.

"Aw come on," said Jade, still firing.

Tanya then began dancing, _Flashback _style, to the tune of _Maniac_. Eventually, Jade ran out of bullets.

"Ha!" laughed Tanya, "What are you gonna do now?"

Jade then whipped the gun at Tanya's head.

"Ow!" said Tanya.

"Time to take you out the old fashioned way," said Jade, cracking her knuckles.

"Wait!" said Tanya, "You can't kill me! You guys have to respect your peaceful ways! You would never kill anyone without properly prosecuting them first!"

"You're right," said Jade, "But I'm still tossing your ass in the dungeons along with that witch, Mileena!"

Just then, the _Mortal Kombat _theme played.

"Goddamnit," muttered Tanya, "I am so fed up of that fucking song."

Jade and Tanya ran into each other and began to fight. Jade quickly gained the upper hand and held Tanya down.

"You're done!" said Jade.

"JADE!" shouted a voice.

"What is it?" Jade turned to the source of the voice: Reptile.

"I quit working for Quan Chi," said the green beast, "I wassss wondering if I can get my job back asssss a ssssslave!"

"Not now," said Jade annoyed, "Can't you see I'm busy?"

"But I have a manicure ssssscheduled in half-an hour," said Reptile, "I need to know now!"

"I said..." began Jade.

Tanya then smacked Jade in the face with her elbow, forcing her off.

"HEY!" yelled Jade, "GET BACK HERE!"

"Ssssssorry," said Reptile, "My bad..."

"Stay the fuck outta my way!" snapped Jade.

Reptile then ran off. Jade attempted to chase Tanya down, but Tanya was already long gone.

"That's it!" said Tanya, getting into her car, "I'm leaving Edenia and never coming back!"

Jade eventually gave up the chase and returned to the battle.

"One of these days," muttered Jade, "One of these days..."

* * *

The war in the streets grew more intense now that Baraka and his troops joined the fight. Nevertheless, the bad guys seemed to be losing. Baraka was determined to win and went all out, jumping around and slicing up everyone that came his way. He soon found himself surrounded.

"Give up!" said a soldier.

"You don't scare me," said Baraka.

Baraka looked around and saw a fruit stand next to a market. Baraka ran to it and slashed it with his elbow blade, causing a bunch of oranges and apples to fall to the ground. The soldiers began to slip and fall, allowing Baraka to run through them and kill them all. Another man suddenly jumped in front of him.

"BLAH!" shouted the man.

Baraka threw himself to the floor and slid under the man's crotch with his elbow blade raised in the air. Ouch...

"Too easy," said Baraka.

"That's 'cause you haven't tried me yet, foo!" said a voice.

Baraka turned to the person speaking. It was Jax.

"Jax?" said Baraka.

"Me and Sonya are back and we ready to kick some Brothahood ass!" said Jax.

"Oooooh," said Baraka, "Mr. Tough-guy! Well, you don't scare me with your big metal arms or your cute little beret! Though I must admit, your beard is a little intimidating..."

"Really?" said Jax, "Well, I was plannin' on shavin' it off for _Deadly Alliance!_"

"Whatever," said Baraka, "Ready to do this, big boy?"

"YEAH!" said Jax, "That's what I'm talking 'bout!"

Baraka ran to Jax and swung his elbow blade, but Jax simply held up his one of his metal arms, blocking the blow. Baraka attempted another swing, but Jax backhanded Baraka in the face, taking him by surprise.

"Ouch," said Baraka, rubbing his face, "That kinda hurt."

"Like that?" said Jax, "There's plenty more where that came from, bitch!"

Jax then performed a piston punch that knocked Baraka silly. Jax then picked Baraka up and tossed him headfirst into a trash can.

"Ow..." said Baraka, "Mmmm...There's a half-eaten sponge cake in here!"

Meanwhile, as the war progressed, many of Shinnok's soldiers died thanks to the combined efforts of the good guys. Some were starting to run away.

"RETREAT!" shouted one of Shinnok's men, "RETREEEEEAAAAT!"

Shinnok's soldiers began to run from Edenia as several heroes chased them down.

"No!" said Baraka, pulling himself out of the garbage can, "We have a war to fight! Don't go! Don't..."

Jax suddenly picked Baraka up again and held him over his head.

"You heard 'em," said Jax, "Time to go!"

Jax began spinning Baraka rapidly over his head. With a powerful thrust of his arms, Jax literally threw Baraka in the air.

"AAAAAAHHHH!" screamed Baraka, "I'LL ALWAYS LOVE YOU MILEENAAAAA!"

Baraka vanished into the distance. Meanwhile, as the last members of the Brotherhood were beaten, everyone began to cheer victoriously. Raiden, however, seemed uncomfortable.

"What is it, my Lord?" said Fujin.

"I sense that something is wrong," began Raiden, "Liu Kang is in trouble! I must go and help him!"

"He can take care of himself," said Fujin, "We still need you here!"

"I must help Liu," said Raiden, "He is the Champion of Mortal Kombat after all. Besides, he owes me money and if he dies, I will never get it, so..."

Raiden then teleported. Fujin shook his head and continued to chase after the fleeing soldiers.

* * *

Liu flew across the room and crashed into the opposite wall.

"OW!" said the Shaolin Monk, "I'm gonna feel that in my next life!"

"Ha, ha!" laughed Shinnok, "Do you realize how foolish it is to fight a god?"

"Technically," said Liu, "You're an ex-god."

"Grrrr..." said Shinnok.

He then fired a large ball of light at Liu, who dodged the move.

"Fine," said Liu, "I must unleash my full power! Beware the Ultimate Flying Kick Manoeuver!"

"Geez," said Shinnok, "You couldn't have thought of a better name?"

"It was Bo' Rai Cho who came with that," said Liu.

"I know," said Shinnok, "But even just 'Flying Kick' would've been better."

"Meh," said Liu, "What are you gonna do? Now, where was I? Oh yeah!"

Liu then jumped in the air and performed the flying kick, doing his trademark turkey call at the same time.

"HIIIIIIIYAAAAAA!" screamed Liu.

"AAAAHHH!" said Shinnok, blocking his ears.

Unable to defend himself, Shinnok was knocked down by the kick.

"Don't do that!" ordered Shinnok.

"What?" said Liu, "This? AIAIAIAIAIAIA!"

"Oh God!" said Shinnok, blocking his ears.

"KIIIIIIIAAAAA!"

"Stop it! Stop it!"

"COOCOOCOOCOOCOO!"

"It's annoying!"

"HEY!" said Raiden, "The fuck is going on here?"

"Raiden!" said Liu, "You finally came!"

Liu then ran up to Raiden and hugged him.

"Get off of me, you weirdo!" said Raiden, "By the way, you owe me twenty bucks!"

"Can't we discuss that later?" said Liu.

"So," began Shinnok, "You survived my massacre?"

"It was pretty stupid of you to assume that shooting a god with a shotgun would kill him," said Raiden.

"Alright, alright," said Shinnok, "Anyways, now that Liu here is done with his annoying goose calls..."

"Turkey calls," corrected Liu.

"Yes," said Shinnok, "Anyways, can we please resume the battle?"

"You might as well give up," said Raiden, "Now that I'm here, you're finished!"

"You forgot one thing," said Shinnok, holding up his amulet, "I have the amulet, so I'm invincible! HA!"

"Dude," said Raiden, "I don't know if you noticed this or not, but that amulet's fake."

"Fake?"

"Look at it," said Raiden, "It's made of cardboard. And if you look at the other side, you can clearly see that this was cut out of a _Cheerios _box!"

Shinnok examined the amulet.

"DAMN THAT QUAN CHI" yelled Shinnok, "I knew he was up to no good! When I'm through with you two, I'm gonna find him and destroy him!"

"Listen, Liu," said Raiden, "I need you to keep fighting this bozo while I open the portal so we can send him back to Hell! Got it?"

"Easier said than done," said Liu.

Liu then ran up to Shinnok and delivered a series of punched and kicks, all of which were blocked by Shinnok. Shinnok then backhanded Liu, knocking him down.

"Now," said Shinnok, "I'm gonna do a chicken call of my own! YEEEOOOOOWWW!"

"That was terrible," said Liu.

"Oh," said Shinnok, "As if yours are better!"

"Of course," said Liu, "YAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Shinnok then fell to the floor and covered his ears.

"How's it going, Raiden?" asked Liu.

"_Yu Mo Gui Gwai Fie Di Jow_," muttered Raiden, "_Yu Mo Gui Gwai Fie Di Jow_...It's not working!"

"That's because you're saying that fucking incantation from _Jackie Chan Adventures!_" snapped Liu, "Do the real chant!"

Liu was then tackled down by Shinnok.

"Oh, right," said Raiden, "_Magic Portal...OPEN UP!_"

Just then, a large portal opened up in the middle of the room. Liu Kang stood up and delivered a kick to Shinnok that knocked him into it, but Shinnok grabbed onto the edges, desperate not to get sucked in.

"Listen," said Shinnok, "Before you send me away, there is something you must know, Raiden."

"What's that?" asked Raiden.

"_I am your father!_" boomed Shinnok.

"NOOOO..." yelled Raiden, "Wait a minute! How can I have a father? I'm a damn god!"

"You're right," said Shinnok, "But I was your father in _Mortal Kombat: Annihilation_!"

"That was a shitty sequel to a great movie," said Raiden.

"Hey!" said Shinnok, "I really enjoyed _Annihilation_! I think the actor who portrayed me really captured my bad side well."

"I said it was a shitty sequel," said Raiden, "I didn't say it was a bad movie."

"True..." said Shinnok, "I wish _Conquest _was still on, though."

"Sir," said Liu, "Are you gonna knock him in or not?"

"Right," said Raiden, "Well, Shinnok, it was a fun battle, but now it's time to say goodbye!"

Raiden then fired a thunderbolt at Shinnok, knocking the fallen Elder God into the portal. Shinnok let out a scream before fading away into the void.

"Well," said Liu, "Thank god that's over..."

Just then, the large steel door opened up and a group of soldiers, lead by Noob Saibot, entered.

"FREEZE!" said Noob, "We have you surrounded!"

"Um," said Raiden, "You're kinda too late. We knocked Shinnok into the portal to Hell! He's finished."

"And the war?" asked Noob.

"The good guys are kicking your asses," replied Raiden.

Noob then walked over to the portal and looked into it.

"You mean to tell me that I spent the last couple of days in this totally useless 'secret base' that Shinnok set up in the valley doing useless interrogations and then arrive back in town only to discover that my master is gone and I missed out on the most important battle of the century?"

"Yeah," said Raiden.

"That's pretty much it," said Liu.

"THIS IS MADNESS!" screamed Noob.

"Madness?" said Raiden, "This...is...EDENIA!"

He then kicked Noob Saibot in the chest, knocking the wraith into the portal to Hell. The other soldiers watched in fear.

"Well," said a random soldier, "We better get going then."

One by one, the soldiers jumped into the portal and disappeared. Once the last guy went in, the portal closed up.

"Phew," said Raiden, "Now that I saved the universe, I'm finally gonna get that promotion to Elder God! Sweet!"

"We better head outside," said Liu, "I wanna take part in the victory celebrations!"

"WOOT!" yelled Raiden, "We're gonna party all night long and get totally wasted!"

Raiden the pulled out a bong.

"What the...?" began Liu.

"Oh this?" said Raiden, "I got it from Sub-Zero...Let's just go!"

They began to walk out of the cave.

"You know," said Raiden, "I think that black ninja slapped my ass when he walked by me."


	16. Chapter 15

**Mortal Kombat 4: Mayhem!**

**Chapter 15:**

Sektor walked onto the large airplane and looked around for his seat. When he found his seat, he made his way to it and placed his luggage in the compartment above him before sitting down next to the window. Just then, another man came and sat next to Sektor. His arm and leg were in a cast and his head was covered in stitches and bandages.

"Wow," said Sektor, removing his helmet, "You got into an accident or something?"

"Actually," said the man, "I fell off a cliff. I survived by shoving my knife into the side, but as you can see, I still took a pretty bad tumble."

"Oh," said Sektor, "Tough luck, huh?"

"Tell me about it," said the man, "This realm is freakin' rough, I don't care what others say! I was better off as a wanted criminal in Earthrealm! That's why I'm going back...Well, for now."

"I hear Seido is a pretty great place," suggested Sektor, "If you ever get the time, you should head there."

"Where are you from?" asked the man

"Earthrealm," replied Sektor, "I was just passing through Edenia. I originally worked for the Lin Kuei, but now I decided to take it over and turn it into a force of evil and conquer the world...Wanna join me?"

"Nah," said the man, "I'm gonna put the whole evil thing to rest for the time being."

"Too bad," said Sektor, "Well, good luck to you Mr..."

"Jarek," replied the man, "Just call me Jarek."

"I'm Sektor," said Sektor, and the two shook hands.

"Attention," said the intercom, "This is your captain speaking. We are now taking off, so make sure you are buckled in and have your seat in the upright position..."

"I hope the in-flight movie is good," said Jarek.

"I don't really care," said Sektor, "I'm so tired, I'm probably gonna sleep the whole flight."

Sektor then placed his helmet back on and leaned his head against a pillow. Jarek leaned back and pulled out a magazine, which he began to read. Just then, he heard a loud noise and a lot of screaming coming from the back.

"Ma'am," said Jarek, as the flight attendant walked by, "What's going on back there?"

"Nothing," said the attendant, "Just an unruly passenger...No big deal."

Jarek then turned around and saw a tall black man being subdued by guards.

"I swear!" yelled Kai, "I'm not a terrorist! Just because my shirt says _Bombs Away! _it doesn't mean I actually want to bomb anybody! HELP!"

"Tase him," said a guard.

The other guard then pulled out a taser and shocked Kai. Jarek simply smiled and resumed reading.

* * *

Shinnok, now powerless and back in the Netherrealm, cowered in his throne room as hundreds of angry Netherrealmers pounded on his door and screamed at him.

"Damn damn damn!" said Shinnok, "I messed up big time! I promised these people I'd take over the universe and give them a new land and I failed! Now they want my blood!"

"Look on the bright side," said Noob, "Um...You're um...Very handsome!"

"Thanks," said Shinnok, "But unfortunately your homosexual tendencies will not stop me from dealing with an angry mob."

"True," said Noob, "Well, good luck!"

"Wait," said Shinnok, "Where are you going?"

"Away," said Noob, "Didn't you hear? I'm quitting the Brotherhood! But I'm sure you'll be just fine without me!"

"But but..."

Just then, Sareena entered the room.

"Hey Noob," she said, "There's this big party going on tonight. Wanna come?"

"Sure," said Noob.

"And after you and I could..." Sareena then whispered the rest of the sentence in his ear.

"Oh honey," said Noob, "You are barking up the wrong tree! See ya, Shinnie!"

Noob and Sareena then walked out of the building and pushed his way past the angry mob. Shinnok then began to cry.

"RAIDEN!" he yelled, "YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS!"

* * *

Quan Chi lay on the hot and rough Netherrealm floor, unconscious.

"Hey," said Scorpion, "Wakey, wakey, eggs and bakey!"

Scorpion shook the sorcerer, who then woke up.

"Wha?" said Chi, "Where am I?"

"The Netherrealm," replied Scorpion, "I teleported both of us there, remember?"

Quan Chi then stood up and looked around. There were large stone pillars and lakes of lava everywhere.

"Oh," said Chi, "Now I remember. You were fighting Sub-Zero and I revealed my treachery and..."

Scorpion then glared at Chi.

"Eep!" said Chi, "I'm trouble now, aren't I?"

"You sure are," said Scorpion, "While your powers are useless here in the Netherrealm, mine only grow stronger. That's why I'm giving you a five-second head start! Prepare to run, sorcerer!"

"AAAAHHHH!" yelled Chi, who then began running.

"5-4-3-2-1, alright, let's go!"

Scorpion then chased after Quan Chi.

"Get back here, bitch!" yelled Scorpion, "You can't run forever!"

"We'll see about that!" replied a very scared Quan Chi.

* * *

Meanwhile, in the distance, two figures watched the chase.

"You see that?" asked Drahmin.

"No..." replied Moloch, "What is it?"

"Newbies!" said Drahmin, "You know what that means, don't you?"

"We must welcome them!" replied Moloch.

"Yup!"

"But aren't those two already from the Netherrealm?"

"True, but they still just arrived, so it is my obligation to give them one of my specialty fruit baskets to welcome them! Now, should I put a little bow at the top or not?"

"It doesn't make a difference to me."

"I guess. Come here big guy..."

Drahmin then pulled Moloch close to him and they shared a wonderful kiss...

**THE END!**


End file.
